Asked by Fancy Cat on
How do I get a man to leave his wife?
I've been dating this guy for 2 yrs now. He says he loves me & he's trying to leave his wife but can't because his daughter is living with them & has kids. He's afraid his wife will something stupid.
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Ok...I found this question as the result of a Bing search...I was provoked by the answers that the firs few people gave that I had to make and account just so I could respond. I didn't read everything so I'm not sure if anyone said anything except for call you stupid and tell you that you needed professional assistance. That was uncalled for! Mean a$$ strangers!
The fact of the matter is that if a men never fall in love with other women...that would never be the reason for a divorce. In all honesty,this man may love you and there may come a day that he does make the decision to be with you instead of his wife. It happens. People have no control how they meet or the situations they find themselves in when something special begins to take place. Who knows why this guy got married to begin with. He may have gotten married because of his daughter...who knows.
The only thing I advise you to do is be confident in how you feel. Have convictions. Make is clear what you expect. If he IS the one for you, he will do something about the situation. Don't allow him to make you waiver. If you decided that you don't want to wait anymore because its unfair; stick to that. If you are frustrated (which you must be or else you wouldn't have asked the question) let him know that you love him tremondously but you can't keep being number two. You can't take him away from a healthy relationship if it isn't healthy to begin with. He has obviously let you in for a reason. He could be using you or you could actually fill a void in his life and he is overwhelmed as to how to handle it all.
Its pretty clear that I am new to this website so I don't know if men are here...but I did notice that only women responded. Ladies, men have feelings too. It's possible for a man to have genuine feelings and not just use a woman.
After you take some time to think about the strength and validity of your relationship; be honest with yourself. You already know deep down inside if this is meant to be or not.
If you are looking for a husband, then he is not for you. You need to look elsewhere for a lifelong companion. Nothing good will come out of such a relationship.
I would be of better help as to "how to get rid of him". Be distant, cold, unromantic, etc... He will want to know what happen to you. Then without explanantion, leave him. Don't ever let him see you down. You will have the higher end of the stick. Be aware! this is when he may leave his family but do not accept him. He will one day leave you in the same way he came into your life.
Let me take a second to give you a more fuctional view than the judgemental people on here who are hopefull that their partners are not cheating on them.
There is a such thing as a man falling out of love with the person he is with and falling in love with a new person. Half of the people who are married never should have gotten married in the first place. I have several friends who say they should have never married their current husband or wife. I also have friends in solid marriages.
I say this to say... you and he very well may love eachother; however the stress of going through a divorce, looking bad to your children and loosing half of your money is not so appealing.
You are not stupid and you are not dumb for being hopeful and having faith. It says that three things will endure: faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is love.
One day in your own time you will have lost hope and faith to be together and then what is left is love. You can not love someone without faith and hope. Once you loose those two your love will eventually decrease.
It will happen in its own time you can not force it. It is too bad and too sad that you fell in love with a married man. No one is perfect and believe me people make equal terrible mistakes. So don't get down on yourself. I agree with the person above who said just start to focus on yourself! Be into you. Don't focus on his home, you have no clue what is going on there, it is waisted energy. It is rare a man will leave when he has the best of both worlds. Trust me, you will grow tired, you will find someone that will be only for you and if you stay prayed up God will forgive you for you lack of judgement and allow you to have a great marriage.
I am sure he is not a terrible guy... he is looking for happiness as everyone else is in the world. Just stay strong and good luck.
For all you married women out there who thinks that she is just the worst thing in the world. Try to remember she is only symbolic to the real issues that are going on in your house. She is not the problem or the solution. When your husband or wife cheats on you... your time is better spent focusing on how to better your relationship than focusing on the other women. If your household is happy I promise you she would not be an issue.
Wow. I thought when I saw all the responses that there would be some actually trying to assist this poor girl in her quest. Glad to see there are not any. I could not agree more with the 2 posters who said...
1. If his love for her has faded, you can bet his "love" for you will too eventually and
2. If he had really wanted to leave for you, he would have done it already.
Seriously, why would he? Right now, he doesn't have to see his daughter look disappointed at him every time she sees him. Right now, he doesn't have a messy divorce on his hands. Right now, he doesn't have to face his or her family and answer their questions. Right now, he doesn't have to meet at McDonald's on Friday and Sunday for the child visitation drop-off and pick-up. He has none of the bad and he gets to do 2 different women. He gets to have the stable life at home and the edgy life away from home. He gets to have his wife's type at home and your type away from home (when I say type I mean brunette vs redhead, or whatever you are that she isn't).
There's a reason why old sayings get to be old sayings. It's because they've been true a long time. And the one that applies here is why in the world would he go through the trouble and expense of buying the cow when you are freely giving him all the milk he wants? Really??
Finally, I agree with the poster who says that you really need to get help.
First off, you're not "dating" anyone. You're messing around with a married man. You already know it's wrong. Even if he doesn't respect his marriage, you should. Why subject yourself to that life? You can't see him any time that you want. You can't call him any time that you want. He's not leaving. And as long as you keep playing the game with him, neither are you. The sad part is, he's playing his wife AND you, but you're allowing it because you know what he's doing. Oh, and that stuff about his "wife might do something stupid?" What could that be? Confront the woman who is cheating with her husband? Hmmm....yeah, that would piss sooe people off, and if she does anything, it might not be interpreted as stupid. Some might call it "just desserts."
He is never going to leave his wife, and child for you.
you are wasting your time, and energy.
Woah! Wait a minute...I saw a question similar to this. You need to go and get some help. I'm not joking here. Please PLEASE see a psychiatrist. This is a documented and SERIOUS issue. You might have low self esteem from a childhood issue or previous boyfriend.
Taking another woman's man, no matter how handsome is an offense against the woman he married. YOU DESERVE A MAN THAT LOVES YOU. Yes I said it. If you can't find him now just have faith in yourself. He is there,perhaps buried under the sea of jerks like the one you found.
Have some morals, because it's evident the one you're "with" now has none. He's truly despicable as well as you, for being horrible to his wife and for you letting him do so through you.
I may not be able to relate,but please...PLEASE leave this jerk alone,break it off and fix your karma,because it looks like it is about to come around and hit you fast and 3x harder! :(
Dont be quite blind about his marriage.He made that commintment to his wife.
If has that less affection for his wife ,after a while you will be his fading pictures.
word from the wise DONT THINK ABOUT IT!
Dont try to take him away from his marriage...
You try to take yourself away from his marriage.
If you mean that much to him, we will prove it to you.
You won't have to do a thing. Just sit back and observe.
He will show you is he is a real man and he's the man for you.
Move on and take care of yourself. See what happens.
He hasn't left her for two years and he's telling you he's not going to leave her. It doesn't matter why he isn't going to leave her, the point is he won't. He has things the way he wants them now.
When you get involved with a married man you need to remember a few things. He once told his wife he loved her and made huge promises to her. He built a life with her. Now he is cheating on her - he lies to her about you and he breaks his promises to her with you. Instead of dealing with his problems in his marriage, he turns to you.
This shows you how he will treat you. He lies to you about her and his relationship with her. He breaks his promise to you to leave her. Instead of dealing with problems with you, he just goes back and forth between the two of you. Remember, he loves her, too.
why would you even begin a relationship with someone who is already married anyway, what do you think would happen if he did leave his wife, are you thinking that he would be faithful to you because i HIGHLY doubt that, you need to go be with someone who isnt already married or in a relationship this guy is never going to leave his wife or they would have been separated when you started fooling around.
He's using you. End of story. He's never going to leave her. You're his little something on the side. Move on and find a man who is unmarried and respects you. Or at least has the balls to not lie and cheat on people.
Trust me, men are creatures of desire and if he desired to be with you and without his wife and children, it would have happened already. If he "loved" you, he would let nothing stand in his way, not his wife or his children. Meanwhile, you should take the time to think about why you want to be with a man who is unfaithful. And don't just think about his wife, when you have children, you need to remain faithful to your family. It does not help his children when he's in your bed instead of trying to fix or end his relationship with his wife. How could you be with a man who has so little respect for the little ones he brought into this world? A real man takes care of his business at home before getting into some other woman's business. That means that he tells his wife AND his children that he's found someone who means more to him than they do and that he's leaving. He gives her divorce papers and offers her the closure that she needs to take care of their children.
If it sounds like I'm being harsh, it's because I am. Adults have the opportunity to fool around with each other's feelings and hurt each other. You owe nothing to his wife, but you know he has kids and you feel that it's more important for him to be with you than with his family, and that is unacceptably selfish. You are trying to find out how to make a more concerted effort to pull im away from his family. I have an Idea, then. Go to his house while he's having dinner with his famly, bang on the door and then tell his wife and kids that he's leaving them for you, no doubt that if she's half as wise as you are, she'll kick him out and he'll be all yours.
The only one doing something stupid is you! No......stupid is too kind a word. Do you really think he ever plans to leave his family? This is a grown man with grandchildren.....if he wanted to leave..... its a free country.
You've wasted two years of your life aleady......and, hey, wait, I know whats going on....this is a joke, right? No one could be this foolish.