Asked by karenkayne on
My husband looks at other women a little too much. What should I do?
I know men look at women and vice versa and I never thought something like this would bother me as I would like to think of myself as pretty open minded. But my husband (only 1 yr married) practically throws his neck out to look at other women - most moderately attractive. Sometimes when we are out together he spends the entire time staring at other women to the point of neglecting me. The last time we went out to a restaurant/bar for drinks he spent the entire time staring at women to the point he didn't notice that I had finished my drink and he ordered another for himself and didn't even ask me. Am I being to sensitive or is he being a jerk? If so, what should I do?
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I am not married, but I think as long as it is a simple glance there is no problem because us guys will look whether we are single or not. It's in our nature. Now if it is a prolonged look and you are not getting the attention you deserve that is a different story, but bothering a guy because he took a half second to look at another woman will only anger him and push him away. If he does it all the time and you're not getting that attention,then saying something will show that you care and don't want him running off, although some guys will take that as jealousy and nagging unfortunately.
Your'e husband is an inconsiderate asshole! Get rid of him. There enough trouble when they think their not very good.! Good Luck!! You are much better than that!!!!
the first answer you received is by far one of the best... join in and say, "yeah I see you looking and yeah she's hot". My husband does the same thing. I have said to him "calm down" because he reminded me of a little dog in heat, LOL. But I giggle with him. WITH HIM. I told him that I find it hot and exciting when he looks as long as its a simple gesture. I wont let him "go off" and get caught up in it. Ignoring me the entire time, would be too much. Its best to accept that men do this naturally. Women look too but we are more of an emotional being and don't want to hurt their feelings. Everyone is attracted to the opposite sex whether married or single, or if you are bisexual or gay then you are attracted to other person apart from your mate. I have learned to come to terms with this and accept it. How does he treat you when you both are alone, only you know this. The old saying "actions speaks louder than words" tells you how your man feels about you. Lastly there is communication. If you tell him that it is "ok" to look as long as he doesn't go overboard, then you are opening up trust and letting him know you know. By saying it is "ok with you" you are only accepting what he will do anyway. This way gives you a chance to set some ground rules and allows you to talk it over. Let him know that you do not like it when he goes overboard and that you want him to work on it for your happiness. He will still look but perhaps an occasional nudge on his knee will help train "Pavlov's Dog" to not saliva so much. Good Luck!
Sweetie, there is a CONTRARIAN psychological technique that can get him to focus 100% on you, but you'll have to think like a man to pull it off.
Next time he looks at another woman, instead of comparing yourself, or feeling jealous, JOIN IN ON THE OOGLE!
If you were to say, "Yeah, I think she is hot, too." you have accomplished a few things in his mind.
1. You have acknowledged his visual instincts and NOT shown you were threatened. This actually makes you MORE confident and MORE appealing to him-Guaranteed.
2. You have given him a slight and subtle "bi-curious" comment which will perk him up and get him to think about YOU in a very naughty fashion. Regardless of your opinion of bi-sexuality, the mere mention of it is enough to stimulate him to refocus back to you.
Good luck...I know the contrarian answer may slap you in the face of your sensibilities. But is is worth a try. You can always go back to complaining or feeling bad about it if my method doesn't work. But, after you try it a few times, he may still gawk at women, but your confidence will bring him to YOUR bed forever.
I'm pretty sensitive about my own looks when compared to others, and when I'm out with a guy, I try to take that into account. If I can count to eight and he's still staring, then it's not just me, he's being rude. If it bothers you, you should talk to him. Try not to be accusitory and tell him how it makes you feel. Tell him you understand that as humans we have a tendency to look at each other, but ettiquette says staring is rude and it make you uncomfortable. Maybe word it a little better, and as long as he's fairly reasonable he'll be able to see your point without feeling attacked, and he'll keep it to a glance at her, and an oogle at you.
He's being a jerk. I'll admit, sometimes its hard for me to not just stare at an amazingly attractive woman (or feminie body part{s}), but most good men know better than to do that. Its great that you recognize that, to a degree, it really doesn't mean anything, but he sounds like a frat boy at a beer party.
I'd say its high time you sat him down and talked with him about it. As Black Iris suggests, be nice for now. He may also be completely unaware as to how much its affecting you, or to what degree he is doing it. If he is a repeat offender then start putting the screws to him.
I'd advise against the "tit-for-tat" move that coloredinsides is suggesting. I don't really advise that when you're dating since I don't care for games like that, but there definitely shouldn't be games like that in a marriage. Sit down with your hubby and let him know how you feel. Don't attack. Men are notorious for not being communicative about what they are dealing with already, and attacking us right off the bat only makes us crawl further in our shell, but let him know how it makes you feel, understanding that its not a problem to glance at another woman, but it is a problem when you like like your stalking them with your eyes.
Look at other men. Men thrive on jealousy. He may very well be using this technique on you in order to keep you on your toes.
I think it's good manners to pay attention to the person you're with. We all know our spouses notice attractive people, but that doesn't mean they need to stare. It shouldn't be obvious to you when he looks. (Really, if he's staring that much, it might be too obvious to the women as well.)
Talk to him about it nicely. He might be willing to be more discreet if he knows it's upsetting you.