Asked by justaguy on
Why do women have such a hard time accepting compliments from a man?
I have watched women reject compliments from, "You like nice" to "I'm proud of you". Yet, it is often the same women who reject the compliments, complain no one gives them any.
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For myself it is because I fear being used. I was used in high school and a part of college. now when someone compliments I let them know they aren't getting anything but "thank you." I am trying to just take compliments,and move on. I say thank you though it feels uncomfortable for unsolicited compliments(depending on the person and the circumstance).
I just try to cope.
Well there are a lot of possible answers to this. First of all, it may be the man that is giving the compliment, yes hateful but for many women it is the truth. Often times we don't want to give a man the wrong impression, so we may reject or nor respond to a compliment. God forbid that a man a woman has no interest in is paying her attention, it can make some of us very, very uneasy! Many women may not admit this, but I'll admit it, we want attention, and we want it from men we prefer. Yet, I can relate to the normal compliment that isn't overtly suggestive, women should be polite accept it and move on. Humans can be what they like, but they should never be rude!
A lot of the time a compliment is misconstrued as something else. During a debate in one of my lectures (we were discussing plays), I've noticed that while an author may write a story, given the light of the situation and the interpreter, the story could be read differently to the audience. Perhaps saying, "you look good" after making a sleazy sexual joke could imply you are aroused and want her for a one night stand. If saying "you look good" while the person obviously doesn't (bad hair day, illness, etc.) it could imply you are insulting them. If the woman you are complimenting has a grudge against the world for the day, it could be the case where everything you say will be wrong in her eyes and there isn't much you can do.
Another possibility, less subtle than the former, is that society twists our worlds. A woman brought up on the ideal of "fat talk" has grown accustomed to people pointing out flaws rather than exemplifying their natural and positive traits. Rather than not see what you are trying to say, the block it and view it as something demeaning ("He doesn't mean I look good, I have all these flaws. He must want something out of me"). Men are brought up thinking that our emotions betray us and we should be strong and care only about sports and strength; rugged manly traits. When we try to cope with our feminine side, we are more than likely to get it wrong the first few times.
If the relationship becomes serious, I strongly believe that little disagreements such as these will allow partners to learn a little about one another, maybe she didn't like how/when it was phrased; maybe he didn't know how else to express himself or compliment someone deserving compliments.
somtimes we like to here it more than once just because, so when we reject the compliment it just ends up being repeated if this is not why then whoever your complimenting might have confidence issues. I love compliments i either say thank you or i get greedy and i'll say somthin like no no your just talkin me up then a secound later they through out another compliment toppin the previouse one.
They can't accept them because they don't believe them themselves. This is why they then ask you to reassure them later. And they forget the compliments you've made.
Two answers:
A Men no longer know what is an acceptable compliment. Political correctness ha s killed off a lot of compliments. What is acceptable is somewhat more limited due to this. "You look nice today" might be taken as wrong as a whistle used to be. I find that an additional adjective helps. "You look divine today" is usually more easily accepted.
B. Women are no longer taught to accept compliments. Chivalry is not dead, it's simply not taught anymore. Chivalry is not just something men do, women also learned to accept compliments and the door being opened, graciously even when the action was desired.
I guess if it wasn’t confused with a pick-up line then maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing?! I am just being Devil's Advocate for a bit....... Maybe she feels it was ill timed for some reason!? Some people just have a hard time accepting compliments. Sometimes you can't get past the thought that there's an alterior motive behind it & just accept the compliment for what it is. I am just putting in my 7 cents about this....... maybe she thinks guys do it to get something out of her?! So, a guy gives her a compliment, & she takes it as "why is he saying this?! What does he want from me?" kind of thing?! I guess one can speculate all you want, it comes down to you may not know everything about a person's background. There were things in their history/past that influences how they accept a compliment from a guy. Like I said, ading my 7 cents! =)
It depends on the woman and the context/moment the compliment is given. I love when my boyfriend gives me compliments while in the comfort of our living room where I feel we are privately speaking and I can feel secure responding with "thank you baby" instead of becoming quite frankly extremely embarassed and uncomfortable if we're in a public place. Another thing is that she may not know how to respond to them exactly... I, personally, am not used to men complimenting me (I'm a chunkier girl and while men have complimented my looks, I always just giggle and move on assuming they have alterior motives). So it depends a lot on the specific girl... As for complaining for not getting compliments, she may not mean in the form you are giving them to her... to her "you look nice" might be the same as something you say to your grandma. Where as if you would say "hunnie, you look gorgeous!" or something else along those lines... it would have a different impact. So it really depends on each individual woman and you would have to talk to her about her specific situation and feelings to realize what she's really looking for.
For some women it's a lot more complicated than just hearing something nice about you. As a woman who has a very hard time accepting a compliment I know this subject very well. People react as adults in ways they developed as children. My dad never gave me compliments. Not for good grades, not about how I look, not about anything. He also refrained from any sort of physical contact that is considered affectionate, only in times of anger did he lay his hands on his children. As a teenager, when I started dating, I would feel flattered when complimented only to find out that this guy wanted to sleep with me, or that girl wanted me to write her papers. It was great to feel pretty and smart, but it wasn't because they meant it, it was because they wanted something. As an adult in the work place, I finally discovered that when my boss compliments me, it's not because he wants me to "do something" for him (I've been in the automotive field, you wouldn't believe some of the things I've seen bosses do to girls), it was because he approved of my work and wanted me to continue to get better. Sadly, the only compliments I can really take without being on the defense are work related.
I'm ashamed to admit that when my guy compliments me, I think it's only because he wants to have sex or get me to do something for him. When he puts his arm around me or grabs my hand, I pull back because I'm still not comfortable with physical contact.
I'm sure some women hear compliments all the time and get tired of them, and I bet there's plenty of other reasons, but for a lot of us, we were never taught that we were pretty, or smart, or valuable in any way except to perform certain duties. Sadly, this is one of the way girls can turn out when their fathers do not show them how important they are.
She might just be embarrassed or else doesn't want to come off as conceited by going, "oh yes, why thank you." She probably wants you to give them, but maybe not one after the other or 24/7. Over complimenting might come off as insincere.
Hey, i dont know what knida women you been around, lol, but compliments are beautiful, except when there just sweet talks, but, me personally, i love them, n i thank the guy when said to me, its confidence, not cockyness, but if you tell me n i know it can be true, then, hey......
lol...