I'm just wondering why you're still persuing this relationship. It seems there's just TOO much you will have to direct in this fellas behaviour. Gut instinct: it's not a good fit. Good relationships just CLICK. I think you're trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.

Yeah, let him know that it's not okay. I understand that people always "look" at attractive men/women, but there is a difference between a glance and talking about it. Talking about it, I think, crosses the line. He needs to know that. Also, he needs to know that dating someone is when you are exclusive and PEOPLE KNOW. Fbuddies is when you just mess around and people don't really know. There is a difference. And it makes sense that it hurts you because if he is telling his friends and family about his life and he isn't including you, you who are now a part of his life, he's shutting one or both of you out and anyway you cut it, that's not cool. Time for a little chat with this boyman. He may not be mature, but that's no excuse for not according you some honesty.

lmao @ knock.... Ah, no, he isn't married.

Thanks Q & Iris, I think that it's time to start clamping down in a sense and make him realize what it takes than to wait for him to come around to it. The other night I was probing him about what attracted him to me and he just told me that he knew what he liked when he saw it and he liked "hanging out with" me. Strange.

Hey BG,

You know, you could always message me to. : )

Anyhow, a lot of what Black Iris is saying goes for me as well, but you know I'll give you more than that, plus, I think I remember you mentioning him before and how slow he was moving.

You know the guy is the extremely shy, guarded, and inexperienced. I don't know how much you know about his upbringing, but he may not be telling his family because he just isn't close to them at all. The way you describe him it sounds like he probably doesn't have a great deal of self-esteem and doesn't trust easily. His reticence in telling anyone about you both could be that he doesn't want to jinx it in some weird way, but this is just total speculation.

The real question for you is how long you can accept the relationship being like this. To his benefit, he did ask for you both to be monogamous. If the guy is a good guy, and I know you'll know if he is or isn't, then you can choose to work with him through all of this. Talk with him. He may be acting like he's got the dating experience of a teenager, but he is an adult, and so are you. Doesn't mean you have to slam him hard with what you are going through, but its a good time to find out if he really can handle being in a real relationship, and learn that its more than just making out, hot sex, date nights, and trying to remember each other's birthday. He may have some very good personal reasons for not sharing any info with his parents or friends, but I think its time for you to stop cutting him so much slack and start letting him that you need more.

Best of luck to you,
Q

Ps. Sorry, forgot to go into his comments about other women. Yeah, you need to start slapping him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper. I have no doubt that you can handle him "noticing" a good looking woman, but unless you are one of the rare women that loves to ogle women as much as men do, he needs to learn that its beyond rude to say something about it. This would be one of those rare times where I would actually go as far as saying that you should go ahead and point out the hot guys if he isn't going to learn to stop with his comments. The trick is that you'll need to stay calm about it, even when he gets upset with you commenting, so that you stay calm as you explain to him how it feels the same to you when he does it.

Normally, I wouldn't advise the petty revenge stuff, but if he as socially immature as you say, well, it may be the only way to get to him if he just can't understand with you talking to him about it.

I'm not sure how long ago you posted this question (just call me pokey) But I'd be concerned even worried about the silent treatment your relationship seems to be getting. It seems awful odd behavior even for a "teenager". My guess is that he's married.

I think you need to talk to him about the comments he makes on other women that bug you.

I'm not sure what it means that he hasn't told his family about you. On the one hand, it's been three months. On the other hand, guys often just don't talk about feelings or relationships with their friends and relatives. They can be amazingly bad at getting the news/gossip.

I do think it's odd that he wants you to be quiet in the background when he talks to his family and won't let you take his picture or tell others about him. You could ask him why he feels that way. It could be that his family is difficult and he just doesn't want to get them involved. It could be that he just wants to go slowly and not announce that you're a couple. Or it could be a bad sign. I guess the best idea would be to talk to him and find out more about why he isn't telling people about you.

SORRY about the typo's and grammar...I didn't proof before the post! He does talk to his parents, just not on a regular basis.