Asked by Qverb on
What are your online dating don'ts?
Ladies, I'd like to find out what you consider to be red flags when you're looking at the guy's profiles, getting messages from guys, or anything else that you've come across in your online dating adventures. You've seen some don'ts from the guys ( see 4 Big Online Dating Don’ts - http://www.yourtango.com/200927839/4-big-online-dating-don-ts#comment-58958 -for more on that), now I'd like to see what you ladies don't care for.
Guys, feel free to chime in if you have other items that throw you off about a lady's profile.
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I am new to online dating so I can appreciate a lot of the pointers below. As for don'ts so far, well how about not having a profile with an "about me" section that takes an hour to read. I'd have to agree though it's not good at the other end of the extreme either where every catagory has "any" listed under it; you can't really get a feel for weather or not you have anything in common. I read one profile where the guy actually said that his friends say that once you get to know him he never shuts up; not a plus in my book as I do like my conversations to be two sided. I'd have to say another don't is not to keep dropping comments like "I don't want some other guy to steal you away" or " are you talking to anyone else"; it's a little stalker-ish and it is supposed to be online dating after all not mail order brides.
I agree, be positive in your profile!! Nobody wants to date someone with a downer Match profile http://www.travelncs.com/rd_p?p=186122&t=9538&a=9909-yourtango&gift=9909
Awww...BG, you're gonna make me blush!
I agree with everything said below, but I'd like to add something.
DON'T exchange lengthy emails back and forth over a period of time. The only way to really see if you have any chemistry is to meet in person. After the 3rd or 4th exchange (barring extreme scheduling difficulties), if we haven't met yet, I'm ruling him out. I don't want to waste a lot of time interacting with someone if we aren't going to get along well in person, or if he's just not interested in meeting in person.
Don't say something like "I'm trying this one last time" or "here I go again". It sounds like a chore that you dread doing. If you're online looking to meet someone, remember that you made the choice to put up a profile. That means that you're willing to open up some part of your life to somoeone. That's way more than a chore, and you shouldn't say something to demean that.
Don't show photos of yourself that are really revealing. OK, you had a great vacation in the Bahamas. Of all the photos to put out there, why put up your swimsuit photo? If I'm looking, then I'm figuring that there are thousands of other guys who are looking too. How can I seriously consider you if you're showing off that much of yourself and we haven't even met yet? Then, you're probably going to get some guys who make stupid or crude remakrs, and you get all pissed off. Your picture represents you. If you advertise yourself a certain way, then be prepared for what follows. I'm not saying it's right; that's just how it is.
Look at the information that you share, and be very careful with it. If you say that you have 3 kids, and then you say that your income level is $35,000 or less, with a high scholl diploma or equivalent...come on, now. How does that work? That stuffcan be revealed later because there are probably some circumstances where the income and dependents have a story behind it. There's nothing wrong with not having a college degree, but you have to think about the perception. A guy who sees all that probably sees a woman who wants someone with benefits and can take care of her and the kids. Again, think of how you want to be represented.
Piggybacking off of Broken Glass: fill out the whole profile! "Any" under most of the categories means that either you have no standards, or that you were too lazy to get past the introduction and photos.
Good question. I have sworn off online dating (except for if/when Q becomes single and I start stalking him...lol), but I'll share some previous experiences.
-If the guy is insanely good looking it's an immediate red flag, as you don't come across very many insanely good looking guys online...this automatically makes me wonder "what's wrong with him?"
-The details on what he's looking for appearance wise. I hate seeing, "any" under every column. I would rather a guy fill in some details in reference to body type, age, or anything that gives me insight into what type of girls he goes for.
-Not using spell check. If you're going to post a profile, learn how to use spell check. I will rapidly hit the back button after reading about your "devorce."
-"Not looking for games or drama" is a red flag...because it tells me that he's been with some dramatic chicks and probably girls who have cheated on him.
-"Just got out of a relationship" gives me the impression I would be a rebound.
-"Just looking" or "Just want to have fun" tells me that he wants some ass.
-Any man who gushes about how great he is...seriously, if you were really THAT great, you'd be taken.
-One fuzzy photo. I want to see your teeth! (I have a thing about teeth!) I have seen guys online that their pictures hid all kinds of physical flaws...and when I saw them in person I wasn't attacted...or the guy who posts the picture of him from 5 years ago that he no longer bears resemblance to.
-Guys who are unemployed who post profiles looking for a g/f...what do you have to offer?