How do men feel about long term relationships?
I've been with my guy for a year, and although he speaks of getting married, I'm not as hip to the idea. We've both been married once, we both have kids, and we both have been burned by the person we love. So, I'm not of the opinion that being married will really do anything to improve our relationship. Neither of us wants more children and I think things are fine like they are. I'm very independant and I like having my own space, but I love spending time with him, I love being around him, and I love him. I can't picture myself with anyone else, but I also can't picture uprooting my existance (or asking the same of him) just so we can fulfil some ideal. I'm not totally opposed, and if that's the only way he'd want it, I wouldn't be reluctant to follow him. I just think at this point it's kinda stupid because we've both been through the hassle, and turns out, it wasn't worth it.
So, is it wrong to just kinda... date forever, without mashing finances and phone plans, redoing car and life insurance, moving utilities, house shopping, wedding plans, changing names, and all the other headache that comes with marriage?
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I think what makes things complicated in your specific case is that both of you have kids. If it wasn't the case you could go for a trial period living together and see how it works out.
With the kids in the picture, it doesn't really leave room for trial and error, so I think both of you must be absolutely, profoundly convinced that living together is the way to go before any decision.
Right now it sounds like you'd go for it only half-heartedly, so give it more time to figure out what you really want.
In my opinion, marriage is just a piece of paper. I merge my finances with all of my boyfriends... I've lived with two of them... and it's just the way I do things. Marriage without the paperwork. It's less messy if things would happen to not work out in the next 20 years or so. But it's entirely up to you two... if you feel that uncomfortable with the idea, let him know your reasoning. I'm sure he'll understand.
Marriage, as an emotional institution, is sorta dead if you ask me. Getting married is no proof that a couple will stay together and only makes it worse when they get separated.
However, there are a whole series of financial and legal benefits that come with getting married in the eyes of the state.
It's ultimately up to you, but signing that piece of paper doesn't mean you HAVE to change your name, mash up finances and host a big hoopla. You don't have to "uproot your existence" at all really. You do, however, get hospital visitation rights.
So in conclusion, if you're afraid to get married because some little part of you is afraid possibly having to divorce again, don't. But if you are as sure of relationship now as you say you are, getting married is as messy as you make it.
Entirely up to you two. A lot of people are doing that already, and many have a very successful relationship. It still just comes down to what you both feel is really best for your relationship. Weigh out all the aspects; emotional, mental, fiscal, legal. No one says you have to do anything you don't want to do, so create the ideal between you and your man!
