Asked by wombat on
i need him to make me happy, is that bad?
about 6 months ago i broke up with my boyfriend because he was cheating on me with his best friend who i was led to believe was a lesbian, how stupid am i for believing that?
anyway i got pregnant to him and i had an abortion because i knew he was cheating on me and i didn't want to be a single mum at 19.. shortly after that i broke up with him
ok so you needed to know that to help me with my actual question.
i met this guy like a month after i broke up with my x and we have like an open relationship his a very nice guy lets me sit there in his arms crying for hours if im upset, we'll go out and have fun he cares about me and i care about him but just in a friend way and i need him to make me happy because everything else in my life makes me depressed, i know it's bad because i need to learn how to be happy without him but i just dont know how to... i dont really know what my specific question is but i guess i just need advice.
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This stage of your life will bring you great strength, as long as you dont give into the negitive aspects of how you feel. As hard as it is to accept, you may just have to lose this battle. Loving isnt easy, and loving hard is never fun when its not mutual. For that reason, this is the time where you must look deep into yourself, find out what made you get so deep, and work on PROTECTING that part of you. In time, the pain will lift, the sorrow will be just memories, and you will feel achieved that you didnt commit SUICIDE, get on DRUGS, or have to be heartroken w/ a baby. All in all honey, you gotta pull your BIGGEST "hurt" out of your heart and mind, and just BEAT IT! It wont come back, i promise.....God bless you
FIERCE_09
My Dear, I have had an abortion as well I will be completely honest with you here - I was 19 as well. I am very sorry for your loss first of all - I don't believe anyone has noted that yet.
Please, take that to heart, it was a loss you will most likely feel the rest of your life as I do as well, almost 10 years later. But you know what, I did seek help for myself, not professional. But through my family & very close friends.
You can not hole yourself up within yourself and hold it all in.
I am who I am today because of the experiences I had when I was young, the tough and the happy ones.
Honestly - my advise would be to examine yourself, not the ex or friend in this situation. Just yourself!
You are a new person right now, explore it, discover it, learn from you! And surround yourself with love as much as possible.
Time & Love heals all (not trying to be chessy or anything!) It's just the truth, from my experience...
Sending love your way
~Wendy
BookMama is dead on. Get some help. There is no stigma in it.
Please don feel insulted by this statement, as it describes most 19-year-old young women, but I don't think you're intellectually or emotionally ready for a long term relationship. Especially if it involves sex with consequence.
The reason "cheating" and "boyfriend" appear so much on this and every other site like it is 15- 23 year old man/boys are, for the most part, incapable of long term relationships (and in many cases, into their 30's). As long as you know that, you know what to expect.
See someone.
There is NO MAN who can make you happy. You make your own happiness; a personal relationshp only enhances what you should already have. If you're looking for a man to make you happy, then you're giving him control of a key part of your life. Would you really want your own happiness to be determined by someone else?
First of all, maybe take a different look at what relationships mean to you. You shouldnt feel like you need a boyfriend or love to be happy. It's nice to have someone there, but if you cant be happy by yourself then maybe that means you view relationships in an unhealthy, too relying manner. As we learn to love, its very hard to restart and be without it, but we must not forget how to be strong individually. There's always hope. You are still you at the end of the day. You still having your visions hopes and dreams the same as when you were little.
Maybe getting into a relationship a month after your ex and all that happening was not a healthy choice. Sure its great to have someone there, but maybe you weren't healed enough to be ready for a new relationship. Things take time. Not saying you should wait years, but love hurts even after a month. This new guy sounds good for you, sounds supportive. But that might not mean he can cure this. Im sorry to hear other things in your life are depressing you. Try looking at situations from different angles, re-evaluate your life. what is important in your life? The Fundamentals i mean. Try to answer that, and figure out what you need in your life and dont need. If there's something affecting your life negatively, it needs to dissapear. Sometimes things arent that easy, but it at least needs to change, or avoided depending on the situation.
Also think about these, How do you view yourself? Does happiness = love (romance)? Does having a relationship equal having happiness to you? We as individuals need to be strong independently, especially mentally. Like me, I love being in a relationship, and being in love. But, if i don't have that in my life, I still have my motivation and vision. Nothing should stop you from accomplishing what you want to do and be in life.
I know what you went through must have been painful, but you can always turn that into something positive. You may have felt it was meant to be, but everything happens for a reason. even though you may not realize it, you are stronger having been through it. It showed you your limits, your fears, things like that. Be confident in yourself most importantly. You sound like a very caring, passionate, and honest girl. There is always someone who will be there to listen to you, to talk to you. Wether it be a family member, friend, or someone professionally educated on how to not only listen to you, but give advice. Hopefully what ive said has helped, or given you insight into your situation. Let me know what you think, I will respond back.
I think you need to get professional counseling for your depression as soon as possible. Losing your boyfriend and best friend and then having an abortion are traumatic and you need help from someone.
The problem isn't this guy, it's that you are unhappy all the time and cry for hours.
Some other things you should try (but still get counseling!) - get exercise, get sunlight, AVOID ALCOHOL AND DRUGS, do things you enjoy, work hard, help other people.
Maybe I'm just being a mom here, but if you can talk to your mother or someone in your family and let them know you're really depressed and need help, I think it would be a good idea.