Asked by CallMeCrazyJane on
Intimacy issues
I have been seeing my guy for about 7 months now. We had been seeing each other for 2 or 3 weeks, one night we started making out, and since I wasn't sure of where it was going to lead, and wanted to know what type of guy he was, I stopped and told him that I couldn't sleep with him, and wouldn't be ready to for a while.
7 months later and we are still together, but he does not hardly touch me. A kiss here, a hug there- that's about it. Every time I try to kiss him or hold him longer, he pulls away.
I am wondering if my telling him that night that I couldn't sleep with him, if that's why he is so distant from me physically?
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Good for you for not feeling pressured by the moment to do something you're uncomfortable with. This guy sounds like he is understanding and willing to wait for you. So, chances are, he's waiting for you to tell him that you are ready to be more intimate with him. Many people (myself included) would just wait for him to reinitiate contact, and he'd probably go find someone else in that case. Just make sure that he knows what yuor boundaries are, and if they change, update him.
You set the ground rules, and he's trying to follow your lead. OK, what happens if he tries to hold you longer? In his mind, he's going with what you told him from the start. If you want to step things up, you have to tell him what you want, and maybe show him, too.
Talk this out. Tell him in English. He is a gentile sort and is probably upset and confused. This needs to be verbal communication so he can feel relaxed and comfortable. You may need to take it in stages from hold my hand to a kiss to fondling under your clothiers to having sex and being very supportive. Great lovers are made not born.
Possibly. It was a very responsible choice to be honest with him, Regardless if he wasnt feeling the same way (not ready). However, it may have discouraged him. Now, it sounds like he needs confirmation with you. If you are ready, tell him that you only said no at first for both of your best interest. It might have ruined the relationship to jump into something you are not ready for. That was responsible, and he needs to respect that. If not, you dont need him. If so, he just needs confirmation from you now about where you are at.