Asked by Halfaman on
My ex will have sex, but won't kiss?
I broke up with my ex because i was ashamed of the person i was, after taking two long months to make myself into a man she isn't embearassed of. Her family didn't like me, and i don't blame them, but now i've changed that. Non smoker, drinker, drugs, video games. All i want to do is hold her close and give her the world. All week we talk for over 8 hours a day (via texting), then i manage to coax her to see me, we make love, but she won't kiss me. I hold her, and she presses her body closer to mine, but she won't kiss me. She grabbed my head and pushed it back down between her legs and tells me to get back to work, but she just won't kiss me......
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First let me applaude you for the changes you have made. Addiction no matter what kind can be difficult to overcome. Next let me say that it seems perhaps you have replaced these addictions with an obsession for this young woman.You allow her to treat you badly because you still do not like yourself and that has got to stop. Find something you like about you and stop looking towards other things to supplement that feeling.
Second I think it is time for you to realize you are playing head games with each other. She wouldn't have to beg to see you if you care about her. You would be getting kissed if she cared about you. Either take the relationship for what it is or find someone else because things are only going to get worse.
If she's your EX that might be the right place to start. See, since you are no longer together it is wrong to think that she owes you affection. People mistake sex for affection, but sex can be very impersonal and compartmentalized. It sounds like she's trying to get her rocks off and you're complicating matters by taking your eye off of her percieved prize. If you want to rekindle the emoitional side of your relationship, you should start by talking to her, not sleeping with her.
Well, you could ask her if she has any problem with your breath. Otherwise her behavior seems very cold. Turn it around - what would you think of a guy who told a woman to go down on him when she wanted a kiss? I would get out of the bed and go home. No one deserves that kind of treatment.
It would help if I wasn't so much in love with the woman.. it was me who came back to her and threw myself at her feet after two months. (and i broke up with her because i didn't like myself) I told her she has me wrapped around her finger.. so its funny you should say that. There's always more then i can type to every aspect of what you've said. I'm not sure if i should defend or agree to most of your post. I've made her litterally beg to see me. So i think she's just getting some revenge. When we first started dating i told her that a passionate kiss from a lover is better then good sex from a stranger.
Okay, let me try and get a few things clear...I'm guessing you are saying that you have become a man because you stopped smoking, drinking, doing drugs, and playing video games all day long. If each one was an addiction for you then yes, you manned up the moment you understood it was a problem and took action to change that. However, her behaviour and your acceptance of it is of great concern. To begin with, what was the real extent of your issues that made her embarrassed to be with you?
Here is my real worry...basically that you've changed who you are for someone that isn't worth it. If you had real problems then congratulations on breaking through them and CONTINUING to work on them. Addictions don't just simply disappear. They can be more tempting and seductive than Jessica Alba in a bikini and chaps swinging around a pole.
You are saying you need to talk her into seeing you, that you don't communicate through anything other than txting, and that when you make love she won't do one of love making's most intimate acts...she won't kiss you. But she will expect you to continue to give her head....
If I were you I'd actually be running. She sounds manipulative, and most probably playing you. If there is more to this then you are telling us then you'll need to share. Otherwise, she sounds like she fully knows that you are wrapped around her finger and that she can use and abuse you however she wants and also do whatever with whomever she pleases.
I've dated women like this and learned the hardway, but it only took one lesson. Be a man for yourself, not for anyone else, and don't let someone else define what it means to be a man, you'll need to figure that one out for yourself. Think of the type of man you really want to be one day, and this includes the type of woman that you really want to have in your life, and then go be him.
Good luck.