Asked by torrieg on
is it fair to date other men when I still love my ex?
I broke up with my ex 6 months ago and since then have dated and been with other men. Yet I still love him and find my self unable to connect with anyone else. The other night we got together and made love. Not just sex like I've been having the past six months, but something deeper. I had to stop myself from confessing that I still love him. We lay there talking and holding each other for hours and it just felt so right. We both agreed that while we love each other we just don't work on the day to day living. So I know that he and I can't be together, and I can't see me loving anyone else just yet. My friends keep saying I should continue to date and try and move on, but I don't feel it's fair to the men I date to date them when I'm still in love with someone else. What do you think? Should I hold off on dating?
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It's time to kick him to the curb. I know you want to put him in the 'friend' pile, but if you do you risk being his booty call whenever he can't find anyone else.
This guy is not treating you well. Even if you love him, and he loves you, if you can't live with him 'day to day', then THIS IS NOT YOUR GUY.
Somewhere, probably trying right now to get into your life, is a GREAT MAN who will love you for you and want to do it 'DAY TO DAY'. And you are missing out on him by carrying a torch for this man from your past.
Leave the past where it belongs - IN THE PAST. Step out into your future and know that by doing so, you are heading in the ONLY RIGHT DIRECTION - towards LOVE.
I am well out of your age group,looking back at my own life..........hon its what works for you dont be judged by others standards...live your life and be happy
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING-
Noone will ever be like the ex you still love--take it from me-I have lost relationships over this one-If you still love your ex, you must find some closure with them before moving on if at all possible; otherwise, you are going to potentially cheat on him with your thoughts, and eventually with your actions-causing a problem for your new relationship, most of all YOU and possibly the ex's new woman-
that is a true disaster-
take time to work through this-then move forward---and pray a lot-
or you can be alone without sex for as long as I have, go crazy and finally go out and find someone who is better than the ex! :D
hope that this advice helps!
SB
Many are thinking wayyy too much. He is a GIB no more than that! tell him that he is a Booty call and that is that. His interest will wane as will yours after a while. He will realize that you are in control of the situation and he is at your beck and call.
So enjoy the sex and keep it just there until time does it's thing
Yes, you should. By the time you see a guy more than once and he is interested in moving on to more dates, he wants to investigate possibilities with you. Since you knew before you even MET him that you weren't interested in opening your heart to him on any level, it seems rather selfish to me to date these guys and have them exert energy and spend their money on you.
Now, if you can be very up front and let them know you are mending from a broken heart, not available for anything but companionship, and pay your own way when you go out, then you should be just fine.
I agree with qverb it depends what you mean by dating. If you're seriously seeing someone, it's not fair to them. But if you're going out and having a good time, why not? Just let them know that you're still getting over a relationship and you're not ready for anything serious.
Okay, for now I'm going to go with the old school and, what I think of as the technical, definition of dating - going out with a person to a special event, dinner, movie, etc, so as to learn more about the person and have some fun.
If you are dating other guys to try and move on past your feelings for your ex then you know it doesn't work. If you are going out on dates with other guys to just have some fun then just be up front with the guy that you are emotionally unavailable but that doesn't mean you can't go out and make a new friend. For me, dating, or going out on dates, aren't so much "interviews" as they are just a chance to get to meet someone new and maybe find someone that could be interesting enough to be a friend or more.
If you really know that things won't ever work with your ex, and I fully understand where you are coming from with this as far as still loving them but knowing that isn't enough, I'd still advise against sleeping with him anymore. It will just make it harder for both of you to move on to something that does really work for each of you. It doesn't sound, or seem, like there is any bad blood between you both, so you may have yourself a truly excellent friend in the making, but it will take time.
Friends will always be concerned and want whats best for you, but they don't always give the best advice. If you don't want to date for now, then don't. Go out, have fun, play with your friends and strangers (if you feel so inclined) and have some adventures while you are single, just let your emotional needs kinda take care of themselves for now. There is no easy way of moving past your love for someone else.
Good luck.
let me make it clear.... when I had sex with my ex it was a one time thing... We hadn't seen eachother in the past six months and it just happened I have no sex arrangement with my ex or anyone else for that matter.
I think you should tell the other men about these sex arrangements your having with your ex and allow them the opportunity to decide whether they still want to get down with you.
if your creeping and being dishonest and smiling in guys face on some rebound type situation where your only dealing with new dates until you come to grips with your lost- its deceptive. i would keep in mind that once your completely honest- some guys will be shocked and act like its ok, but still be disheartened that you cant be trusted.
Using other people to get over someone else is down right ugly and if karma is true, your setting yourself up to have another broken heart when that new one you were really falling for dumps you out of the blue. Get your mind right! Dont lose your self respect and dignity tryin to sex everyone; for some things need to be left in the past period.