Asked by littlelatina on
Is it normal to feel so emotionally attached to someone you don't know, but chat with online?
My husband left me about 4 mos ago, w/o any explanation of why after 8 1/2 years of marriage and 11 years of being together...I was very happy w/him and very much in love...So it was quite a shock, especially since I just found out he'd been having an affair for about a year...I gave him 150 opportunities to come clean, and his mistress was the one that told me!!! So through this process I've been craving some intimacy w/someone but I"m not ready to meet anyone or get involved in a relationship...So I met someone via an online chatroom, and we have been chatting on-line for weeks...It has become very steamy, but we've kept our personal information to ourselves, and have no intention of meeting...I don't even know what he looks like!!! and I don't want to...But he is really filling a need for me that I didn't realize I had...He's patient, kind, he listens, gives great advice, is funny, and caring, and we are sexual with each other...What r ur thoughts? Is this crazy? Is this okay? Am I doing something wrong? will I get hurt in the end???
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You know that this is just "filler" for now, something to help ease the pain. You aren't crazy, and so long as you understand that this is really temporary is fine. With only 4 months of separation after such a long relationship I can understand not wanting to be with someone else or even start looking for someone else just yet.
My only warning would be to give yourself a time limit on this. Not so much a "how much time you spend doing it every day" kind of thing, but really take some time to think about how long you want to let this keep on distracting you from dealing with what had happened. Reason being, the longer you keep from facing what happened with your marriage (and it doesn't sound like you are divorced yet, legally, so you might want to get that taken care of as well) the longer it will be before you are ready to pursue a real relationship.
I understand how this is filling a void right now. Just don't let it go on for too long. For now, enjoy the hell out of it, because it sounds like you fully realize that this is really just play time and that nothing will come of it. Just don't get stuck in this. Decide on when you will finally deal with all the emotions and issues that you are keeping yourself from facing and stick to that decision.
Best of luck.
I definitely have a wonderful circle of great friends, a great support system, and loving family members...I spend a lot of time in the "real" world, so this is by no means substituting that...I"m just not ready for a "real" relationship, since I'm not in the right place emotionally, nor do I have any aspirations of meeting him or pursuing him outside of the computer world...So what he does in his spare time, or w/others is not of my concern... Its just a simple way to meet some emotional needs a couple of times a week that we chat...
You are very well aware that this online relationship is filling a void in your life. So no, you aren't crazy. You are very self-aware. And yes, this is normal, people do it all the time. But it isn't the healthiest thing you can do to get over the pain that your husband caused. Instead of trying to fill that void with anonymous online guy, seek out intimacy in your real life with your friends and family members. Also, do yourself a favor and tell a close friend about your online relationship for some accountability.
Anyone can become addicted to webcam sex, as well become attached to online chat friends. However, one must really monitor the time and to which degree these associations are blocking them from social relationships. Please know this, some people will only want to have webcam sex and dont have social skills in person and may not be intimate,loving, or compatible. You probably should set up some standards t these associations, like meet them in a group setting if you really want to see the person for who they are. anybody can appear patient, a good listener if they are bored online and your the only person willing to talk to them. the other questions you should be asking is this, how many other people he has befriended in cyber world and whats the nature of these associations?Lets put it this way my friend,you cannot stare in someons eyes, observe their mannerisms,expressions or capture their sincerity online. so maybe its time to forgive yourself for your break up and get out of cyber world. most things on here are never what they seem and believe it or not. Pen pals are great, but where does the fantasy end? You decide...