Asked by starting_over on
What does a guy mean when he says: “I have a lot going on right now.”
Ok a short summary: Met guy online; we never met; talked everyday; after father died he went awol on me. I finally heard from him and I asked him “are u still interested in me?” He never said he was or that he was not just “I have a lot going on right now”. Of course as a woman I am interpreting this so many ways. Tell me, honestly what does that mean? ( I know but I need yall to kick my arse and make me understand)
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i think he fell for you but then something got awkward or something went wrong and he just got turned off i assume.
"I have a lot going on" = I'm not interested but I'm too polite to say it directly.
It's always good when you can admit to how you are. The next step is to change that thing about yourself that's preventing you from being happy!
It means he has a lot going on, and you are at the bottom of that "lot." If you really don't know the answer to this question, you are too young to consider dating anyone, let alone someone who has this classic avoidance answer at th tip o his tongue. He is not interested--lose him!
Yes Symian I'm a selfish bitch. Wow you took a short story and just assumed. Thanks for the tips!
Sometimes, when people say they have a lot going on, they mean, they have a lot going on. I don't know if you've ever lost anyone close to you (I don't mean your aunt across the country or a friend, I mean an anchor of your life (parent/sibling/child) it changes your perception of EVERYTHING and you begin to prioritize your life.
When my brother was murdered, I ceased communication with most of the world around me. I stopped my home-buying process, I dropped out of school, I changed my phone number, and my friends still don't understand why nine years later I'm not the same person anymore. My true friends stuck by me. They didn't call me, they let me call them so I could talk when I was ready. They didn't go through an existential crisis over it, they understood when I told them that I had a lot going on. They let me grieve in the privacy of my own miserable world until I was ready for them to pull me out.
I'm not trying to be mean, but it's very inconsiderate to expect him to place any of your needs above that of himself and his family during this tough period of time. And to be so selfish as to ask if he's interested in you, as if that would trump his feelings for his father. It's like when my "friend" asked me a week later if I was still harping on my brother's death, and was I coming to visit him still, it's like I meant nothing to him, my feelings meant nothing. His own desires were more important than my broken life.
If you want to be a friend to him, you give him your number and you tell him that when he needs someone to talk to, you'll be there. Tell him that if he needs anything, you'll get it. And tell him that no matter how long it takes, you'll be there to support him when he needs it. In the mean time, you might want to find someone who's interested in you, because honestly, I don't think you actually care for this person beyond satisfying your own needs, and what he needs is people around him who will help him heal.
Hi There. Perhaps it's grief, then again who knows? Your situation is one of the main reasons why I don't think meeting people on-line is good; lack of information.
If you choose to give him benefit of the doubt, the allow him his grief time, after all his dad did pass. He may still be in the process of making plans, taking care of business, etc.
If he means that much to you, offer what help you can and be supportive. I apologize that this has happened to you, and I wish you success.
Exactly that - I have a lot going on in my life I need to tend to first before I can get involved with anyone not just you. Whether it be himself, mental, emotional or spiritual the boy need time to regroup then he can join in the world again.
Instead of asking a group discussion board why don't you tell the boy you are interested in him or meeting him and ask him what he meant straight out. Why pay games when you can get straight to the point of things and have better communication with each other to start with. Good Luck!
It the fact that he wants to deal with u right now but to much is going on in his personal life that he cannot share with u, but trust me everyone goes through it, hell i have to much going on rightnow to be dealing with someone, but eventually love he will come around
Thanks Lawren. Thats what I thought as well. I was really nervous when I i left him a message that he would not call back. But he did. However, Like Tangerine said, I'm not going to literally wait for him.
And Qverb you are right as well. I definintely think he needs space thats why I asked him. I know where is at b/c I lost my dad a few yrs back.
Thanks all :)
I've been in this same situation but different reasons... I am seeing (occasionally) and chatting with a guy i met online. He did the same by dropping off the grid and I did not hear from him... I asked a guy friend what my guy meant when he said "I've just been busy".. my guy friend kinda a chuckled and said "isn't that the line you girls use when a guy is just not that important at that particular time to talk to?"... I thought, yeah you have me there. This guy has since chatted with me and we are still interested in each other so when he disappeared he was actually busy and I was not on his "to do" list at that particular time. Let him deal and he will chat you up if he is still interested... if he answered you when you asked then that says a lot... if he wasn't still interested he would have just ignored you. Hope this helps. :)
To clarify, you met this guy online and had online communication...right? BUT you never met him in person; or have a formal face-to-face meeting...right? So, if both questions are RIGHT......why do you expect so much out of him. How would you know his dad passed away. If he said "he has a lot going on right now"; I personally interpret as he is not ready to meet with you. I dont think he's telling the truth. I believe you are smarter than waiting for him....I suggest you move on and find your true and real love. AND if he communicates with you again, try responding simply and benign & yet respectful, without so much "love & want" meaning in it. Try that a couple times, and see how he will react. Again, if he does not, move on.
Good luck!
You're going to need to give this guy some more slack. I'm guessing it still hasn't been too long since his father's death. If he was really close with his Dad then he is dealing with a hell of a lot more than just funeral arrangements, paying for all those bills, left over medical bills, any other outstanding debts, arrangments on the home, etc...
If he has gotten past all of that then he is still going to need time to grieve. Some people take a long time to get over a family death. This is the worst possible time that you can be asking him "What about me?"
He has a lot on his plate emotionally, financially, and legally. Next time you talk with him just let him know that you are there for him in whatever way HE needs. Don't try to get him to open up or spill his heart or anything like that. He'll go through his grieving process in whatever way works best for him. Take a second to really understand what he is going through and ask yourself how you would feel if someone was asking you "What about me?" right now? I don't think you'd really want to think about that either with all the stuff you'd be going through.