Asked by xxazngirl4lifexx on
Is This Normal?
I am a person who never feels jealousy or mad, I'm just wondering if its normal for me not to have those feelings
ASK YOURTANGO
Got a question about love, dating, marriage, divorce, makeups or breakups? Ask our members, because experience is an invaluable teacher.
Sponsored Content - Stories Across the Web
Post new comment
I think the question is, do you feel that deep down somewhere you are angry or jealous, but you've suppressed it? Then it's a problem.
Do you lack feelings in general and never feel happy? Then it's a problem.
Do you have any signs of depression like sleeping a lot or no sex drive? That is definitely a problem.
Do you feel that if you got angry, people wouldn't love you?
Or do you just not get as mad as other people? Do you get mad and then let it roll off your back? Do you get mad at politicians, but not with your friends?
Sometimes people are just different. Some people don't get as mad as others or they don't get mad as often. There's nothing wrong with that.
I certainly hope it is not "abnormal" because I don't have jealousy either. For me, it's a mix of having suffered a pathologically jealous husband, and of being totally confident in the quality of my current relationship. Outright jealousy is massively destructive. Mild twinges are a simple sign you care enough about the other person not to want to lose him. Still, it all comes down to self-confidence in the end. If you don't have jealousy, I say you are a lucky woman, because most people do, and they suffer for it. By the way, QVerb talk sense yet again.
Yes...and no.
I'm actually a lot like you. In my younger years (lets say 15 to 23) it was actually a self esteem issue, but not your normal type. I spent those years trying to be some fantasy ideal of what my girlfriends wanted that I was never really myself. Jealousy and anger couldn't be part of the mix because who wants to be with someone who is jealous or gets mad often?
I had a really great relationship that lasted five years that helped me understand that the only way I could have the relationship I really wanted was by completely being myself....and still I wouldn't get jealous, but I learned to let it be known when I was starting to get upset.
Now I still don't get jealous. I really haven't ever had a reason to. Its not because I believe myself to be "all that" or anything like that...my experiences and the process I went through to work on my personal issues have left me feeling extremely secure in who I am and what I'm about. This has led me to choose excellent partners, for the most part. In the past 8 years I've only had one bad relationship that I never should have gotten into, but extreme stress, poor nutrition, and fatigue from not getting more that 4 hours sleep a night for 6 months at that point and feeling lonely helped me make a bad choice. She cheated on me after 8 months, and did all sorts of things that would have made many other people put their foot down a whole lot earlier on. I never got jealous though. I already knew she wasn't worth getting jealous over, and that her actions weren't directed at me or anything I did or didn't do. I knew enough about her, her past, and her issues to know that this would be her destructive habit keeping her from ever really knowing happiness in a relationship. But I did get angry with her when her insecurities made her try to dictate who could and couldn't be my friend, or any other ways she would try to control the relationship.
With my current GF, we've been together for a little over a year. In that time we've had 2 fights. The first one we know what it was about. The second one neither of us can clearly remember why we fought, but we both know we were just really tired and grumpy that day. Its a source of great amusement to us, and amazement to her...she's never had a relationship that there wasn't a fight at least 3 times a week within the first 2 weeks of the relationship!
Not getting jealous or mad can be good if its coming from the right place, although a little jealousy and anger can actually show that you care. I've had GFs pick fights just to try and get me angry, and sometimes it did work, we'd have a good fight, and then we'd have a great time after. To them it let them know that I did care enough about them to get worked up about something, anything having to do with them.
Take a look at why you don't get jealous or mad. Is it because you don't care enough about the person you are with, or because you are confident enough in yourself to know that the other person's actions really don't have anything to do with you, but with themselves and their issues? If its because of a lack of caring you may want to look more into that and maybe even go see a counselor or therapist because it could be tied into deeper issues that you have. Its what i had to do, and I couldn't be happier with the results!