Asked by cupidsfool on
Is it hard to be in a relationship when your family won't accept the person you are with?
I've been giving this a lot of thought, and I think I want to work it out with my ex, but the only thing that is keeping me from getting back with him is my family. My family hates my ex. I am not even allowed to mention his name. They think he is abusive and they think he doesn't respect me. He promises he will change. It has been 2 months since we've haven't been seeing each other. My relationship with my family has become better. I feel like my mom loves me more now. One time I asked her if I stood with my ex how would she feel about that. Her response was, "If you want to fuck up your life, than thats your buisness." I feel torn between my family and my ex. I don't want to lose my family and I don't want to wonder "what if" about my ex. Should I sacrifice my relationship with my family to see where it goes with my ex?
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Is your family just saying he's abusive, or is actually abusive? If you come from a loving family that tries to do what's in your best interests in most cases, you at least need to hear them out and try to understand why they feel the way they do. People older than you may have already experienced many of the things you'll go through and they usually have good insight. If the things they say about him are untrue, then you should try to find out why they feel this way and how you can help change thier perspective. I don't think I could walk away from my family for a man, but I've never been in your situation either. Good luck sorting this out, and I hope you don't have to lose anyone!
THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED WITH MY FAMILY THEY SAID STUFF THAT WASNT TRUE ABOUT MY EX-GIRL FREIND NOW. THEY DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT MUCH ABOUT HER WEN MY COUSIN SAID STUFF AND TALKED ABOUT HER I LUVED HER BUT I GOT TYRED OF F=DEALING WITH THE DRAMA SO I MOVED ON BUT IF U GIRLS OR GUYS DEAL WITH THIS I WOULD SAY- UR FAMILY CNT MAKE UR DISICION FOR U THEY ARNT U SO DNT LISTEN TO THEM WEN IT COMES TO THIS I ONLY MOVED ON CUZ I THOUGHT THEIR WAS MORE IN LIFE BUT AND I WANTED TO MEAT NEW PEOPLE WHILE I COULD SO I COULD GET THE RIGHT GIRL BUT YAA I KNOW SHE LUVED ME -SO IF U GUYS READ THIS U CAN TRY IT BUT I ONLY GOT ON THIS CUZ MY FREINDS TOLD ME THAT IM GOOD AT HELPING WITH LIFE ISSUES SO I WILL HELP WEN I CAN .THANKS BYE
On a side note, I notice we share a birthday!!! Happy late birthday girl!!
Look girl, it's your life not theirs. You have to grow up and make a decision for yourself for once. If he was abusing you, you need to realize there are men out there that don't need to "change", they already don't abuse women. But it's up to you. You are the one who has to look at yourself in the mirror every morning, not your family. And if they "disown" you for it, in my opinion, "family" isn't worth it if they aren't gonna back you up when you need them the most.
OMG! I think I just had a light bulb moment, really careylove I always wondered how can i be this strong minded person and have it "all together" and then fall into some all too familiar situations. I THANK YOU!!!! and to you cupid'sfool, I know you will find the website listed above very helpful as well as taking a step back and looking at the true issues your ex has, and please know that if he is being abusive it is to no fault of yours, it is an isecurity on his part and you deserve so much better
Wait a minute. Your family says he's abusive and he says he's changed? Which means he has been abusive. Your family is right on this one. Abusive people don't change. They go through cycles. He'll say hes changed, suck you back in. Things will be great for a while and then they'll fall apart. Something bad will happen and then he'll go back to trying to change. This is not just me saying this, this is an actual cycle. Check it out here:
http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/women/page5.html
If any of that rings true to your relationship with your BF. Then you should listen to your family.
its rather hard to be in that position, i fell in love with a man 8yrs older than me, my family freaked i ended up hurting my mom, i felt like s**t for a long time until my father really helped me realize that my mom can easy manipulate me, and that she should be happy because im happy that no one can decide for me but i should think of the people i might hurt, that my family will always protect me but at the same time they should let me go and let me see the world. Think of yourself before you think of others, think what makes u happy and what is good for you, remember that no one can hurt you, no one can tell you what to do with your own life.
Hi there,
Thank you for your open and honest post! It's always a breath of fresh air when I read something that has obviously come straight from the heart.
I noticed that you used the words "i think i want to work it out with your ex" .... this give me the impression that you are not sure 100%? It might be a good idea to ask yourself the following questions:
* Do YOU think that your ex is abusive?
* Do YOU feel that he respects you?
* How do you feel when you are with him?
* What is missing when you are apart?
* Are you being treated the way that you deserve to be treated?
* does your subconscious mind think that you don't deserve to be treated with respect?
I think that it's important to remember that your parents love you and naturally want what they think is best for you. However, you may have different ideas and beliefs about happiness and relationships.
It may surprise you to learn that although you may feel in complete control of the choices you make, your beliefs, and the relationships you form, your conscious mind controls approx 4% of your thinking - meaning your subconscious is actually running the show.
It is therefore no wonder that despite wanting to be with the perfect partner, subconscious beliefs and emotional triggers can limit and prevent us from finding, or maintaining good relationships. It is also why many of us repeat negative relationship patterns, often with similar types of men, and find ourselves feeling disenchanted with love.
You are a truly fabulous lady and you deserve the very best in life.
CareyLove