Asked by wantinghimback on
Why does an ex not make a good friend?
My ex boyfriend and I are still friends, and though we just started talking to each other again, he told me we were still friends and I believe him. We have been broken up for at least four months so why wouldn't an ex make a good friend if it has been months since you broke up?
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made 2 mistakes because of fast writing ( "It's true most men are just thinking at one THING " and " but I DO want to say that some can really love a woman " ) sorry again hope I got it right this time ... my apologies ...
I don't really agreea with you MsHeartBeat and it's just my opinion , but we're not all the same and some of us just want to start over ... It's true most men are just thinking at one think most of the time when they see an attractive woman but I don't want to say that some can really love a woman not for her body and "good sex" but for the way she is ... So in my opinion if you loved him more then you love your present BF and if you think you can forgive him and if you still trust him (this is verry important) then you shouldn't be pushing him away , you can try to become friends again and then you will sort things out when the time comes ....
Because you can't live in the past and the present at the same time. I hate that "be friends with the ex" stuff.
It's just an excuse for someone to be able to keep tabs on you, know who you are dating, when you are sad, when you are horny and alone. That way he can start talking about the good ole days and get you in a weakened state, which would allow him to get some. Then of course you will think it means you are getting back together, and he will say no we aren't. You will end up hurt and he will shrug.
Plus, the new man in your life is not gonna like you hanging around with some has been. You would feel the same about your man hanging out with some ex woman of his.
Best for the past to be left where it belongs, BEHIND YOU. Move on and let him be friends with his new girlfriend. You cannot "be friends" with someone you still have feelings for, are still getting over, or might want to sleep with or get back together with. It's not cool.
A couple of my best and closest friends are exes. They know things about me that many other friends don't, and because they know me so well they also give me great advice, and I do the same. Those exes were also from some of the best relationships I've ever had, because we were great friends during the relationship.
Being friends with an ex is actually a really good thing. It shows more mature possible partners that you are pretty good at picking people you are very compatible with. Not all relationships end for bad reasons, or end in blow-ups and tons of drama. Sometimes people just hit a point that they both realize there is no going any further for them, or any other host of reasons. If you are friends with your ex then it just means that you are getting closer and better at finding that partner you want to spend your life with.
As Cohen says, not all new partners will understand it, and many will be jealous. Some learn, others don't. My GF is somewhat insecure, and I can understand why due to her dating history, but I've shown her that I can be trusted without any doubts, and that my friends are really just that...friends. I don't get jealous of when my ex is with a new guy...I actually applaud them if the guy sounds like a real winner. Then again, I've been told I'm abnormally secure in who I am and in my relationships.
It may be a little tricky and awkward at first, and sharing the info on new lovers takes time, but an ex who is now a friend can be a very rewarding friendship.
Some girls still likes to be friends with their ex(es) maybe they don't want to cut their communications or simply they think there's no problem of making friends with the ex(es). But for me, once I broke up with the guy, there's no turning back especially if he's not worth it to become your friend, right??
I am completely for remaining friends with an ex after the break up. Personally, my ex boyfriend and I broke up about 9 months ago and we are still friends. At first it was extremely hard because we both have feelings for each other and all. But there are limits that you cannot cross when you remain friends... and we crossed them of course. So my advice is go with your gut feeling. If you feel that you can still remain friends without crossing certain barriers then you will be ok. Just take it from me...you have to be extremely careful. There will always be jealousy issues and feelings that wont go away but you have to try and forget those thoughts if you want to stay friends- its the only way.