Asked by Heiress on
Why do men return to their ex-fiance?
We were really happy....for 4 months. Then all of a sudden feelings resurfaced with his ex-fiance? He told me she "used" him. Didn't call, show up for dinner on time, made him wait and turned him down in marriage twice. They lived together for 1 1/2 years. He has been in therpy since.
He is an only child. His mother is dying of cancer and she was married 5 times. His father left him at 12 and he's never seen him again. Nor did he ever mention his name. He is devoted to his mother. He said he really wants "happy ever after".
Will he finally be able to be free of the abusive women relationships and be able to find happiness with me who comes from a very happy stable family with loving parents?
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To be fair to men, for every man that goes back to his fiance, there's a woman who is going back to him. But I presume you are talking this about your boyfriend specifically and not men in general.
I really hope you don't think I am dismissing your sincerity and devotion to the relationship, because this sounds like it's about him, not you. But the brutal truth is that he didn't "go back" to his fiance. He really had never left. I mean, certainly, he was not seeing her and he was, in his mind, with you, but if he was only able to see someone else for a few months before leaving, this would tell me he had never truly broken from her and was trying to convince the world (most importantly, himself) that he had.
He may or may not be able to be free of destructive relationships. It sounds like he has, and understandably so, a real issue with abandonment and being "placed first" in relationships where traditionally someone should be (i.e. with his parents and fiance). I wouldn't say they were abusive unless there's deliberate physical or emotional abuse not mentioned in your post. I know it's impossible to illustrate every facet of this guy and your relationship in a few short paragraphs (unless we're calling "neglect" abuse, in which case we're just mincing words).
Don't beat yourself up too much (though, as much as it sucks, being hurt is just fine and very healthy). With luck, he'll realize by going back that she is not good for him and, if you are so inclined, he could rejoin you and know, with certainty, that the grass is not greener on the other side. Maybe then, he can start working through those issues and may even be lucky enough to have someone to lean on while he does.
Hang in there, though; sounds like you are! It's nice to hear that you seem sincerely worried about him and not just ranting in spite. Too bad for him he blew it with someone like that!
This has happened with me. Ugh. He told me all this stuff and I believed it. He had just broken up with this girl, Tiffany.. gosh i hate that name now. They were together for about a year and had moved in together and they got engaged. She cheated on ham, for the 7th time. 7! Its unreal. He kicked her out and still had to talk to her regularly to get her stuff away. Keep in mind this is Cleburne Texas where Fathers "stand up" for their "mistreated" daughters. She had her dad run over his leg!! I thought that only happened in gang movies! Either way we were together and I was the one that nursed him back to health he told me he loved me after 3 months. It felt amazing and he asked me one night if I would ever leave him. Two days later he broke up with me and his friend told me him and Tiffany got back together. Thanks Wes.
Either way, I think that they just had so many good memiories that he couldnt stand to lose her and that may be your situation too. I say her and believe me, Stereotypical white trash but they had known each other for so long it really didnt matter.
He may not b able to b happy with you. This being because he feels a very strong connection with his ex fiance who he was with for a long period of time it will take him quite a bit of time to get over her