Asked by cupidsfool on
Is it hard to be with someone who is divorced with 2 kids?
I have been with my boyfriend for a little bit over a month and I know he really cares about me, and I care for him deeply too. I am afraid though, that the longer I stay in the relationship it might not work out for some reason because of his children or ex-wife. Am I making excuses? Can I be completely happy with a man who has already been through "shop?"
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Oh Please cupids foot, I was divorced when I met my second husband and had two children to boot. We got along all the way through 27 yeas of marriage. Sure, we had a few set backs, but it wasn't anything we couldn't work through and love each other even more. We also had a daughter together and our marriage was the best thing we both could have had. If you are going to get into a relationship with someone who has kids, remember, there is not always "us time" all the time, but, if you'll make a showing of affection in front of the kids, show them you are really in love with each other, the rest just falls into place. My son's saw us kissing and hugging all the time, they knew we were very much in love with each other and we told them so. They accepted hugging and kissing as a part of marriage, and that's excellent. Yes, my husband died after 27 years of marriage due to cancer and I'm very happy with my new boyfriend. I've been a widow for 7 years now and felt it was time to mingle again. Everybody has to go through widowship for awhile. Accept it. AND ACCEPT THE KIDS.
I think it really depends on the dynamics between the 2 people, timing and what your willing to give up or sacrifice and moreover put into. It's a tough situation for both parties, for sure.....but the payoff could be huge. I never thought of myself as a cling on in any relationships, but there's something to be said about not settling on being option D, when every Man OR Women wants to be thought of first. So between careers(because now a days people have 2) ex-wives, children, your own time and sleep there's not ALOT of "US" time to develop a special relationship. As the the person said above..you feel like your getting the left overs, who deserves that?
It doesn't seem fair, I mean after all your still in the honeymoon phase, you want romantic planned trips, surprises, and see each other at a moments notice cuz you miss them...crazy love. But the reality is taxi driver to the kids & fights with ex-wives all amount to involved stories about them and not you two. ;O
So in the end....if your really into each other you'll make time for each other an make it work...because you don't want to be apart! your both making compromises! Or the other... famous saying "He's just not that into you"....well guess what guys? Maybe she isn't that into you...& packed her only baggage...LV luggage and Chanel shoes! I'm out! Ooops bad girl.
OMG!! I have this same issue, I am with someone who is older, divorced and has 2 kids: a boy and a girl.. and I guess it just depends on the person. He was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first everything... he is also 10 yrs older than me. I met him while he was still going thru his divorce, and that was HARD.... I never feel like he's quite all mine... I feel like I always get what's left over.. It bothers me that i could never give him his first child, first wedding vow..etc... every time we have an experience its my first and not his... I feel like that makes it less special... The answer to your question is YES! it is extremely hard!! I could definitely relate to your situation... people say if your not happy to leave... but when you love someone its just not that easy...
yes you making excuses