I snooped! Which was worse - snooping or his lying? Can't seem to move on...
I was with a really great guy, who up front told me he had a lot of female friends. I thought it was cool because I have guy friends and thought he would be more understanding. He all of a sudden starting acting really moody, irritated at me for unexplained (by him) reasons.
I have recording software on my computer (teens at home). After checking the log one day I noticed he had been on there checking email everytime I was gone, or in the shower. I used the password and snooped.
Wrong as the day is long, I know and admitted it. However, I did find out he was on 4 dating sites, and emailing a lot of questionable things to one of the female friends. We were in a comitted relationship, yes it was mutual.
I did not confront right away. I ended up trying to let him know it was ok for him to tell me about his female friends (which it was), and that talking with them, etc. did not bother me - it didn't. He maintained the secrecy. After a major episode from him over something I imagine he had discussed with his "friend", I told him I knew he had been lying to me, and brought up the dating sites...and confessed to what I did and apologized.
He wanted to work it out and I tried 2 times. He would not give up the secrecy - he continued to hide things. He would tell me he would be honest, and then the next day yell at me that he would never stop having the relationship he had with this particular girl. He fought WAY too hard for her. He insists that he did nothing wrong, and would not change a thing to even make me feel like he was trustworthy. I let him know I was an open book, and that he could ask anything to ease the trust issue I broke.
Now, he keeps texting, either making me feel bad because I want to move on, or just reminding me of how unimportant I was compared to the girl friends. He says he wants me, but won't change.
I don't know what to do to get away from it. I went on a dating site, he knows because he looked me up, and I'm trying to move on. Help?
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He's not worth you time neither your attention....you had your fears and doubts...you snooped...he got caught....and he's trying to use reverse psychology to keep playing you and using you....forget about him.....i bet later on when you've completely moved on you'll look back on that and wonder why you didnt run faster.....good luck girl...there's no reason for you to feel bad because you found out the truth which is you are dating a cheater, a liar....and undoubtedly a bad mate
Woody, I understand that....but telling another woman things that you a) should discuss with your partner, b) should not tell about your partner, or c) make up to either relate to that woman or keep her talking to you by gaining sympathy or whatever - that's wrong when you are in a relationship.
Hey, I've had it out with a partner and then vented to either my guy pals or my girl pals to get perspective - but my partner is the first to know if I have an issue with him....not some young, cute guy on the internet. ;)
Easy girls! I can certainly feel with the ones whose companion is overdoing it. But sometimes it is benign. I have recently started chatting with people on the net about these things. My wife has caught me (I was not hiding anyway) doing so and has chastised me. I did not appreciate it understandably. Sometimes you need to talk to other people about matters that might seem too personal to discuss outside the couple. The hard thing for me is that I have no time to see or go out with friends. My job compels me to work over 100 hours per week, so this is the only way I can talk to people. I feel that otherwise it would be only her and me and it would get too stuffy. I know that I should review my work strategy but in the current work market it is not obvious. So tell me, knowing that my marriage is primordial and that I am crazy about my wife, in order for me to have minimum human interaction is it so wrong to talk to people over the net, even if the conversation gets a bit too personal?
I went one further. I contacted some of the women to let them know I had been with him for the last year. Mind you this was not the first time I had snooped and found bad news. He decided his internet chicks were more important to him because he told them I'm just some crazy chick he dated but was never in a "relationship" with.
I totally agree with o-town girl, I snooped because I wanted to confirm my suspicions, my situation is similar to tina's, we were/are in a committed relationship I snooped thru his phone found out he was talkin to another woman she sent him pics of her in her bra and he sent her messages callin her sexy , I immediately let him know what I saw . his reaction was slow I think he was in shock ..but here is my question I forgave him we got back together now he tells me that during our down time from that incident he started talking to a woman he was involved with (briefly) and to boot she went into business with him. he says the only reason he is telling me is because he wants there to be no secrets between us and promise that this is strictly business should I believe him?????????
Oh boy - snooping is evil... Jealousy sucks. Suffice it to say, if you have that sneaking suspicion - listen to your instincts. Most often, we are correct. I snooped because I needed to confirm my suspicions - OUCH. It was way worse than I expected!!! Instant karma... I regret doing it and I've learned that I should just trust my gut!
Be careful when you look, you just might find what you're looking for :>(
Thanks for that...it does make me feel a bit better. I was wondering if I was just way off base and crazy for feeling like I do. Much appreciated!
Ouch. I'd say you are definitely the first one I don't feel the need to chastise about the forbidden email snooping. Given the circumstances I can understand why you did it, and you fessed up to it and handled everything like a champ. The guy doesn't sound like he has his priorities straight. As a guy with a whole lot of female friends, some of which are exes, I can understand having to defend those friendships from insecure girlfriends...but you definitely don't sound like that, and what he was defending didn't sound like a platonic friendship.
You've given him 2 chances. You've let him know its over. If need be, block his number, block him as a user on the dating site, and just keep on blocking. The guy isn't worth the time. If telling him straight up that his advances are not welcome, that he is over and done with, and he still keeps calling wanting you back without changing, then you can let him know that if it keeps up then you'll get legal on him. You don't have to, but the threat may help.
