Asked by abzlady on
Dating two men - not in an excluvise relationship - what are your thoughts?
Do I have to choose?
This may cause issues with the gentlemen but neither man has said, that this is permenant.
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I was in this situation a few months ago and at first it was fun, I always had something to do, someone to go out with, lunch dates, dinner dates, picnics in the park, wild parties, etc, etc. But to be honest I don't think I could carry on with that level of involvement with two people at the same time indefinitely. I only lasted three weeks with seeing both guys but I soon got fed up with the fact that this was taking up so much of my time plus I started to seriously favour one guy over the other. I was honest with one of the guys (my long-time friend) about the situation and he didn't mind or at least didn't show it, he told me that he wasn't the boss of me and I couldn't stop me from doing what I wanted to do. Towards the end of it I told the other guy as well, that was very difficult for me because I didn't want to hurt his feelings and I knew that things would change from then on but looking back on it i know that the reason why I did tell him the truth was to prepare him for a complete breakup because I knew deep down I wanted the other guy more.
So to sum up, do what makes you happy and keeps you entertained for the time being, you are probably just in that kind of moot at the moment. However, it is also very likely that soon you will want to choose for many different reasons, the important thing is to be honest so that I minimise the hurt feelings and your own guilt.
Good Luck
How would you feel if you found he was dating two people and you were one of them?
I agree with the poster below... be honest and remember that's why it's dating. Until you have had the "let's be exclusive" talk, I think that is expected. I don't ever assume someone is NOT dating others. Good luck!!
You don't have to choose. You do have to be honest. And be honest with yourself about what you want.
The question is, what are you looking for? If you're just having fun, make sure they know it, and enjoy. If you are looking for long-term relationship material, then you need to treat these guys with the kind of respect that you want from them. Guys can get hurt, too.
When I first started seeing my last boyfriend, he said that he didn't want a serious relationship...so, I was also seeing someone else at the same time. It was never a secret and he seemed fine with it at the time. Once he said he wanted to officially be a couple I stopped seeing the other guy. Throughout our 2+ yr. relationship he would bring it up everytime we had a fight.
So if you are in it for fun, that's fine, but if you want one guy to be a serious relationship later, be careful.
hmm.. I could say I been in this situation before, I dated two men and one is older and the other one is younger. actually it give me something to choose from coz both have different attitude and behaviour on how they treated me. I went with my fiance of course whom I could think of myself waking up in the morning beside me and who love me and accept me for who i am. in my case I follow my heart and I could say you can do the same, but its your life and you alone can decide what you want to do with it. good luck
You don't have to choose, but you do have to let them know what you're doing.
If no one has made either relationship exclusive then you aren't doing anything wrong...but are you sure that both men know that you are still playing the field? Its not that you have to tell them who you are seeing, but they should at least know that you are seeing other people, just as they should let you know the same. If they require you to choose between them then of course its your choice, but keep in mind what you really want for yourself first, before you consider what these two want.