Asked by arenae on
..im kinda sorta seeing a man that is twice my age...is that ok?
i met a wonderful man that makes me happy and has been showing me things i was oblivious to...i have felt things physically and mentally that have really taken me aback and made me do the silent "wow.." but hes a lot older then me...literally there's a 20 year difference...but there is so much chemistry its amazing...and its so much nicer then dating the pricks my age. that dont know what team work is and only have ONE thing on the brain...i just am wondering what other peoples opinions might be...get an outside view...it would be appreciated..
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age ain't nothing but a number.... when you truly love someone, the age doesn't matter, what matters is what the heart feels. If that persons treats you right, cares for you, protects you, loves you and trusts you....theres no problem at all!
I'm recently divorced after knowing it's been over for AWHILE....I once dated someone 16 years older and we wanted different things. I'm now dating someone 13 years older and it is the BEST! He is a MAN and treats me with respect and shows so much love, I feel as though I am spoiled, but I'm also a giver, so it goes both ways.
The ONLY problem that I've encountered is other people.....other people at times stare at us and I can't lie, it does bother me sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes and I can't kick that feeling. He is in his mid 40's, I am in my early 30's. He's not a "looker" per say, and I look like a model in my mid 20's. Not to hijack this post, but what can I do or not do to get over that stupid akward feeling when people stare? I love him deeply, no one else has ever "gotten" me the way he does and the connection is unbelievable, not to mention the love making.... !!! :)
My daughters dad is 13yrs older than me and lives 4hrs from me. I'm 23. We were happier than ever at first. We had fun together, got along great. Sex was eh, ok. Not a big deal for me though. It couldve been fixed. He was married for 13yrs so he's been down that road. I haven't. We were happy... until birth control failed. He wanted kids bad. So he said.
When it comes to maturity, age is not a factor. He's completely different now that he has a major life changing responsibility.
So, like the community said, not knowing ur age, take into consideration the children factor if that's something u want because if he already has them and doesn't want more, then if u guys don't work out 20yrs down the road ur left lonely and childless. The older you get the more of a health risk it is to have kids.
I hope you guys continue to be happy together and wish you both the best of luck! :)
There's nothing wrong with dating someone older than you if you love each other and you're both single. There are, however, some practical considerations to think about if you get serious.
Children - he may already have them and he may not want any with you. If you have children with him, you may end up raising them yourself. Your children would also be at a higher risk for certain diseases like autism and schizophrenia because of his age.
Health - he probably is already dealing with issues related to his parent's health. You might end up helping to take care of them. You might also end up taking care of his health at some point. His sex drive may go down before yours does.
Equality - I think it's hard to people with a really big age difference to have an equal relationship. The older person knows a lot more. They also have a career that's further along and maybe more money.
Widowhood - If you end up married, you have a high chance of spending a lot of your life as a widow.
This doesn't mean you can't go ahead if you love him. It's just another side to the issue.
Hi hunnie,
It is perfectly fine for you to fall in love with someone twice your age... my boyfriend is 30 years older than me. And yes, we get a lot of dirty looks when we go out together... but you are the one who has to wake up every morning and face yourself in the mirror. I love my boyfriend with all of my heart... and am actually carrying his child. So I understand how you feel about caring for someone no matter what their age... you'll be fine. Just enjoy being happy--most people never find true happiness.
Ohhhhh older men are wonderful, aren't they? I'm in an open marriage. My lover is 20 years older than me. He's so calm and measured. We talk about everything and are very good friends. He's shown me things, opened my eyes a bit. Ohhh and we make love for hours. He loves the intimacy and closeness and doesn't get in a hurry about it, unlike younger men. :)
But don't toss aside the notion that you may have "daddy" issues, too. Most women do. There's nothing wrong with it, necessarily, and it's a nice feeling to be with a calm guy who's been around the block and is more settled in life. Just make sure you actually love him and not just the "idea" of him. Problems do start to crop up though with regards to having kids (maybe he already has them and doesn't want more) and what kind of work track he's on. If he's headed towards retirement and you're not? There's a mismatch that may cause problems.
Personally, I don't think a man starts to emotionally mature until he hits 50. :P
I know how you feel. I am currently with a man who is 8 years older than I am (I'm 30 and he's, obviously, 38). Strangely, until him I had this odd rule - no men more than 5 years older or 5 years younger and lemme tell you, in today's society a lot of guys my age are less mature and less stable than men who were in that age range 25 or more years ago. But my current love won me over with his wit, charm and ability to make me feel special and adored. A skill that a lot of guys my age seem to lack.
If you're happy and you enjoy being with him, then stay. If you both are looking for the same things out of your relationship, then stick to it. I have to say, breaking my rule made me a very happy woman and in the end, I am soooooooooo glad I did.
P.S. My best friend is 28 and her hubby is 40. They're very happily married and have been so for almost 6 years. As she always says, "I love older men - they know what they want, how to do it and give you less bullsh*t."
I am also in a relationship with an older guy (13 years older)! And I can tell you he has my heart for life! He is a great man and we complete each other! I have dated guys age but it did not workout because of communication and trust! When I met him we both established that we ahve to talk to one another in order to keep this going! The sex is the best I ever had and like someone said the sex might die down but that is not why Im with him....I with him because he treat me with respect and the love we have for each other is amazing! Stay with him he might just be the right one for you! If not just be happy in the moment!
WHO CARES WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK ! ENJOY THE LOVE!
My step father is 28 years older then my mother and he is the best thing that has happened to our family in a long time. My mother is happier then I've ever seen her in my 20 years. Age has little to do with love. It's the maturity and respect between the two of you. You do have to be careful though. I don't know how old you are but my brother also married a woman 16 years older then him when he was 19 and it did not go well at all. They are still married and love each other but he was not grown up and matured enough to handle the differences age comes with. Really it does come to maturity over all.
Like the community is saying, if it makes you happy then don't let the viewpoints of others change that. At this point you might want to think more about what you really want out of this relationship, where you'd like it to go...or just kick back and enjoy it! The trap here is that you need to be very sure of what you want for yourself in a relationship. For some, the age gap is a great thing...for others there sometimes comes a point where the older person starts "acting their age." By that I mean they don't really want to go out like you, there concept of fun has changed and is far different from what you like to do, etc. Once again, this is something that is between you and your man, and for you to decide what you want for yourself in a relationship with him. Good luck to you, and enjoy!
I am involved with someone almost twice my again too, and I can tell you I am happier than I ever have been. He and I have a deeply intimate relationship, the sex is PHENOMENAL, he is wonderful with my children, we have a healthy sense of humor about our age difference... what more could I ask for?
If you go further into the relationship there are some practical matters that come up. I don't have the children issue (not going to have more children, perfectly happy with the kids I have), but I can tell you honestly, I am scared for the time when I will have to be without him since it's probable that I will outlive him.
That said, I don't think it's a reason to shy away. I firmly believe there are two ways we can live life: we can expect things to be perfect, and find someone or something to blame when they aren't, or we can expect things to be imperfect and celebrate what goes right. This is obviously going right for you, so I would encourage you to celebrate and enjoy what you have!
Age doesn't matter,If he makes you happy,The go for it.If He rejects,Get over it.Life isn;t fair.
Enjoy and be happy with it!
"manly"man no wonder you're single!
just think of his penus for a second
It's a progressive time, it's not like this is a new topic but, there might be some things to consider. I agree if you both get along are on the same page with things, kids, marriage, all the things you BOTH feel are important in a relationship. Obviously like you said he has shown you things that someone your own age may not & that's great! But, you may want to consider the differences in life paths. Just be sure you're taking HIS side into consideration too! Does HE feel it's an issue?! For instance, not knowing how old you are- I still think this is something to take into account....... have you discussed what will happen should he want to retire?! Does he want to travel the world? You needing to work so YOU can get Social Security & other benefits when it's YOUR turn to retire?! Or if he gets sick (or you too for that matter) will either of you be able to look after the other's needs?! What about kids?! Will you want to wake up in the middle of the night for diaper duty & feedings?! School carpools, soccer, baseball, etc. practices & recitals?! Dr. dentist appt.s etc.!? What about physical differences in the bedroom!? Use Viagra or the like?! There's many ways to show love & affection to one another other than intercourse! Just be sure that you agree on the major points that are of concern/importance to BOTH of you! Otherwise as long as he treats you well & doesn't abuse you in any way shape or form, I don't see why it should be a problem?! It's only a problem if you let it be! Enjoy your time together! =)
I think as long as you are happy and he treats you right then age shouldn't matter it's just a number. It's good to be happy God wants us to be happy.