Asked by Nicole on
Why do guys hate date movies?
Look, I'm not the biggest fan of the romantic comedy, but it can't be all action all the time. Why does the thought of going to see a romantic film makes a man break out into hives? For all of you with husbands and boyfriends, how do you get them to go to see the movies you want, or do you always have to give in and see the latest action flick?
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Because these movies are ridiculous. Look, I love a good romantic comedy and cry at the sappiest things too, but I realize they're ridiculous. My boyfriend is willing to watch them and feign interest out of love, but I know he thinks they're silly.
Chick flicks tell us that if a guy REALLY loves you, he'll make some sweeping, gratuitous public display of affection. Or that every time you guys fight, he should make it up to you with some sappy move like bringing flowers to you at work until your friends berate you into forgiving him.
They teach impressionable young adults ridiculous plots like every star quarterback deep down is sensitive and caring and just wants an artistic girl to fall in love with. Or that putting together a vapid, shallow video collage will get you into Harvard Law. Or that the loner girl who hates pop culture is the secret key to winning a national cheerleading competition. I mean, even I can see that they're silly.
He enjoys the well-written ones. One that he didn't think was a chick flick is Jerry Maguire (which I think is THE cheesiest!), because it has a lot of sports in it and men really do feel that way about a woman. What makes a chick flick a chick flick is ridiculously silly plots. If you spare him from taking you to Sex and the City 2, he'll probably repay you the way my man does, by bringing home In the Land of Women for no reason other than he thought I'd like it.
Once again I say that if the man has character he'll probably see it with you, if he's confident in his own masculinity, he will see them even on his own. Any movie can be a good movie, regardless of the genre...and most people understand that. Yes, some romances can be boring and predictable, but so can some dramas...I read one book over and over (about 1x a year) because it's a sweet story and makes a good bedtime "lullaby". Movies can be like that too.
Me personally, I would not go see that kind of movie by myself. Sure, I don't want action all the time, I like horror and comedy, and romantic sometimes too. I dont mind going to see a romantic comedy with my girlfriend. I can enjoy it too! However, in moderation. I love romance, and comedy, the dialogue heavy romance parts can be a bit boring, although sweet. Its hard to explain, but overall I dont have a problem with them.
My ex was like that...one of the many reasons he's my ex. My current and LAST flame, has introduced me to several romantical movies as well as liking Disney movies with me and Pride and Prejudice. He will even tear up when it's sad. So, not all guys are comfortable enough with their masculinity to be normal, but if that is what you value, you ain't gonna change him...so move on.
So I have totally lucked out in this category. My bf will totally sit down and watch a romantic-com with me any day of the week. He will watch just about any chick flick. Actually, there are a few movies that I had never seen that he introduced me to like Moulin Rouge, Closer, Great Expectations, etc...However, I will admit generally speaking most guys will not go see chick flicks. I don't care what genre of movies you are into there are some really good ones and some really bad ones.
In any healthy relationship or courtship there should be a give and take premise. So guys if you dig the gal your with; suck it up buddy, she's probably worth a couple of hours of your time to make her happy.
My take on this:
Guys tend to have this metal misconception that if they dig chick flicks it will take away from their "manliness" and will receive ridicule from their peers if they were to find out. Come on guys chick flicks are really not that bad. I enjoy watching them and it absolutely does not take away from your "manliness".
Now guys (those of you interested in gals) pay close attention to what I am about to say. Who cares about what your GUY buddies will think about you, they are not the ones you need to impress. They may poke fun, they may make quips or comments, but at the end, you were the one who was out with that hottie while your buddies were at home playing with themselves. Ever notice the when guys go out in packs they go home in packs talking about what they would have and could have done or hooked up with (blah blah blah)? Think about why that is, maybe it will hit you or maybe not. If it doesn't then I guess you should be sitting at home playing with yourself.
Not all guys hate romantic comedies. It all comes down to quality. A good movie is a good movie.
I am a guy and some of my favorite movies include Love Actually, Wedding Singer, and Enchanted. I think those movies all have interesting stories that keep your attention, comedy, and romance. Don't get the wrong idea, I also love quality action movies like Matrix, Star Wars (IV-VI), Bourne, Live Free or Die Hard, etc.
It may come down to how conventional the guy is. I have never really cared about soceital norms. So, if a guy does care about how soceity views him, then he may instinctively not give date movies a chance. That way he knows that he won't have to worry about being labled as a sissy.
That is my best guess. For example, I truly find it hard to believe that someone who is open minded could hate the end of Love Actually (where Hugh Grant ends up kissing the girl on stage at the kid's play). I am not saying that everyone would get tingles, but most would at least laugh, right?
There is absolutely no way for us, mere mortal men live up to the standards that are portrayed in the movies. We don't look like Matthew McCaughnehey, make his money, have his smile, have as many assistants, etc.
Besides, most men stop growing up at the age of 21. We still like toys, Xbox, boobs, fast cars, and we almost refuse to grow up. In fact, thats why you still see men driving our porsches when we are in our mid-life crisis. Peter pan!
Finally, those movies don't compete with Spiderman, Star Wars, Bond, Bourne movies, explosions, guns, and good guys shooting bad guys. Mere shallow, bad boys, with toys!
Help us. . . lets see 2 guy flicks to every 1 gal flick. Make sure there is extra butter on the popcorn and we promise to lick it off your butery lips! fun for both of us.
It's ridiculous, and frankly sad, but the truth is that men will not watch any movie, read any book, or even enjoy a cartoon with a female protagonist. (Of course this is a generalization, and there are many exceptions to the rule -- but it IS a rule.) This is why J.K. Rowling used her initials instead of her name when she wrote Harry Potter ... because if it were clear that the book was written by a woman, boys wouldn't have read it. Sad but true. It's also why she didn't write Harriet Potter. Girls do not have the same hangup; it doesn't go both ways -- little girls have no objection to reading Harry Potter -- so the general rule in writing anything commercial for children is, make the central character male if you want to sell your book/comic/TV series/movie or what-have-you. These childhood prejudices are thus reinforced and kept all our lives.
The objection men feel to romantic comedies, or romances of any sort, is that they will be asked to identify with a central character who is female. Just read the lame excuses above and you will see how silly they are -- really not based in reality at all -- how can you object to a "predictable" romance but find action movies entertaining? They are incredibly repetitive. No, it's not the predictability that turns you off, dudes! It's trying to identify with a female lead character.
We mustn't blame them, ladies. It starts at about age two, when boys realize that they should be identifying with their fathers instead of their mothers. Unfortunately, Mom is still the central force in the toddler's life, so this is difficult. Little boys must go out of their way to shun their feelings of closeness, etc., in order to successfully identify themselves as male. (This is how it was explained to me, anyway.) It's a total mystery to girls, because we feel no such conflict. Doesn't bother us a bit, then, to identify with male fictional characters.
Except that we get so sick and tired of those sterile, boring, painfully loud action movies.
Not yet met a man who would readily go for a chick flick. I think even if a guy likes romantic movies, he wouldn't openly admit to it, would go against their manly image. I guess it's like asking a man to hold your purse & walk around in the mall! My husband sleeps through most movies so it has never mattered pulling him along for a romantic one.
I'm actually one of the guy's from the top of Tangosanjay's list. Guys do have a justifiable fear of the Rom-Com or straight up romance movie and how much their lover's buy into them. I've dated women that truly believe that unless I do some incomprehensibly amazing feat that I don't truly love them. I've dated women that think it should be as simple and easy to find that "one true love" as the silver screen depicts. Then they don't want to face reality. On Genevieve's end, sure, its safe to say the mass majority of men don't know how to deal with their own emotions, let alone really understand and empathize with a character on screen, but can you really say that the vast majority of romances and rom-coms display honest, raw emotions? I'll give in that some do, but for that kind of acting you'll usually find it in drama's. Most romantic movies are really just syruppy fairy tales for grown ups, only instead of prince charming in shining armor, its slightly disfunctional Joe going leagues out of his comfort zone for a no longer damsel in distress Jane, but a working girl just trying to have it all and largely misunderstood because she is a strong, self-made woman. I like rom-coms, I really do, own a few of them as well, but lets at least call a spade a spade here. Men see action flicks for pure entertainment. I know a lot of women that see rom-coms the same way, but I know a whole lot more that measure their love life against it.
Here is my theory. They're afraid because they think that if they watch them with us, it's like legitimizing our desire to want them to behave like they are in the movies and will thus be forced to be like Hugh Grant as long as they live. If they don't see it they don't have to acknowledge it.
The bottom line for me is that if it is a well made movie, I will see most anything. Most romantic movies are crap, which is why I avoid them like the plague. For that matter, most action movies are crap also. My suggestion is to go to rottentomatoes.com and see what has scored the highest tomato meter rating. Whatever it is, no matter the genre, go see it! It's probably worth both of your time.
I think their reptile brains are threatened by how dreeeeeeeamy Hugh Jackman is when he doesn't have claws and muttonchops.
Ok so as a guy, let me take a guess. Lets say that there are four kinds of men.
One who do not mind watching or even like watching these movies even though most of these movies have the same theme. They do not feel uncomfortable with the emotions when they find themselves in the middle of the mushy stuff nor do they mind the social stigma of being caught watching these movies and admitting this to their guy friends. These men are comfortable in their own skin and with the emotions these movies evoke.
Up next are guys who may not mind watching these movies but will never admit it to their friends convinced that this somehow not the thing to be seen doing. They might avoid going to these movies because of the persona they have built up for themselves after all they are the macho kind and they have issues reconciling this with their spouses request for accompanying them to the obligatory chic flick.
Yet another kind are the guys who simply do not like facing these romantic situations even in movies because they remind them of previous uncomfortably similar situations in their own personal lives or even worse could become issues in their present love life. Best to avoid that now, in case the conversation with the girl veers to has this ever happened to you or if she starts breaking down realising that the man in her life never measures up to the sacrifices that are being depicted on the big screen. That would be a disaster evening.
Finally there are the guys who just hate the idea of romantic comedies because all of them seem so cliched and some of them are weak attempts at comedies as well. They like action movies well because it is pure entertainment with no emotional baggage and depict men in the way that they like to think of themselves. Supermen.
what guy you know want to see a romantic movie. Romantic movies guys wont admit watch alone not with someone your dating it doesn't feel right. Girls could watch that because you are emotional guys will go watch it with you just to be with for the hell of it but dont think were going to enjoy it
Depends on the movie actually. Hollywood-style romantic comedies will make my stomach churn everytime but a to be honest, I feel like a lot of guys see going to those movies as "girly" and therefore something they don't want to associate themselves with. Be on the lookout though. On occasion there will be a semi-romantic movie that WON'T be in that cheesy Hollywood style. You'll have more luck taking him to those.
I rarely want to see a romantic comedy, if ever, so I'm more than willing to stand in line for Star Trek and pass up the latest Jennifer Aniston flick. However, if I did want to see a movie my boyfriend didn't, I think I'd bribe him with dinner or some other treat in order to get him to sit with me. Or I'd just go with my friends.
Men tend to be the less emotive of the sexes, right? So, a film in which honest, raw emotions are on display, I think, is something they can't always relate to. And when someone doesn't understand something, the response is usually to dislike it.
I think this is why Knocked Up did so well with both men & women. Any man's who's been an expectant father can likely relate to some of Seth Rogan's freak-outs. But, how many men have rescued their ex-girlfriends from a Thai prison, a la Bridget Jones Diary? Probably not so many. And this feels foreign and makes men question if women won't settle for anything less romantic than that.
Hmm, maybe they need to make a date movie about how date movies factor into a couple's relationship...
My husband happens to be very accommodating when it comes to seeing movies. He usually lets me decide.
Just lucky I guess!
I have a few tricks I use to get my hubby to watch a romantic flick. The first is a good, old-fashioned game of "rock, paper, scissors". If he loses, I get to pick the movie. Anything goes-- there's no veto power. (It goes the other way of course and on those nights we end up seeing some dreaded "Apocalypse Now" type flick).
On a date night where we get dinner and a movie we also let one person pick the restaurant and the other pick the movie. When we do this, we do allow for vetos, just so it's not a terrible experience.
Then there's the "compromise" which is when we simply accept that one person wants something that the other does not. In that case we tend to go see that flick with friend and not each other. I mean why waste a perfectly good movie on a man in a bad mood?
And finally, when all else fails, there's always the promise of the after affect of the movie; you get that hint! Experience does tell that the promise of a bad mood does seem to be equally as motivating as the promise of a good one!
I somehow get convinced that "Transformers"-type movies are chick flicks simply because Megan Fox plants a kiss on Shia Labeouf. I deal because it's fun to look at Shia but seriously, I take the girls when it comes to catching a romantic comedy at the movies. My husband thinks they are torture even if they do star Cameron Diaz.