Asked by missjif102 on
Our relationship is more physical than ever, how can it be more mental?
My boyfriend and I have been together for a long while now and just recently we decided to have sex. Although the sex was amazing, it seemed it caused problems in our relationship. We dont see each other as often as we used to unless we think about or have sex. Overtime our love for one another faded. Everytime we talk on the phone it would be a long silence or either we talk about him coming over. He blames our loss of conversation on me claiming that Im "being boring". Not to mention that we still say "I love you" to each other even though neither of us truly mean it. How can I get our relationship back to the sparks it used to have? Does the loss of conversation mean its the end of our relationship? How can I get our relationship back on its feet and more mental than physical but still keep the physical side?
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Ok, that was just a joke! Sounds like he's less mature than you expected. It would be sad to accept, but it may be as the two previous posters alluded to-he may have been after the conquest. You say you the sex was amazing(for him too?), so assuming that he wasn't disappointed with the encounter(he keeps coming back for more), and even if it left him disireing greater results-which I think would be quite immature by not thinking THAT could be improved upon-lets put that out of the picture. I really don't think your focus should be 'what can 'I' do' to get it back to the sparks it use to have. It doesn't seem he is motivated to wanting to improve the relationship, and there isn't anything you can or should believe you can do to make the relationship work. It take two to tango-you can't tango by yourself and call it a 'dance'.
So, what can YOU do? 1.You could either have a sit down,heart-to-heart talk and describe how your feeling. If he cares then there may be something to be addressed. But be prepared. Unless there's something you're leaving out, his attitude of 'Your Boring!' sounds so childish and irresponsible I wouldn't be expecting him to all of a sudden behave and communicate maturely. Don't feed into his self centeredness. OR....2. Behave responsibly to yourself. Limit your intimate relations whith an expectation of equal quality time out of the bedroom. You could initiate those activities(the ones out of the bedroom). If he's not receptive to you taking the reins and attempting to direct the relationship to a higher quality-then there's not much chance of things being as you wish. Live and learn-and move on.
Now, I have to get back to those last two posts I did drive-by LOL's on. Love is serious- even when I'm not. Good luck!
Screw with his head.
There is something way off here, like a piece of this puzzle that you aren't giving us, or that maybe you can't see yourself. Why is he blaming you for being boring? What are you trying to do, together, to get back to communicating?
His attitude doesn't help. Blaming you won't fix the issue and is quite frankly immature. People have different definitions for what "seeing each other a long time" means...are we talking weeks, months, years? The shorter the span the higher the possibility that he held out long enough to get in bed with you and now has gotten what he wants and is no longer really interested. I'm not saying that is a definite either, but there are a lot of gaps in your question that leaves a lot open to interpretation.
If everything is on the up and up, the you both need to really sit and dig into why the communication break-down after sex. As you said, you don't really see each other any more unless its for sex...how much of a change is this to what you both used to do together before sex? Did you go out a lot? Have dinners out, see movies, go to clubs or bars, hit up muesems, anything like that? What you are telling us is a drastic change has happened but sex is most likely not the only thing to blame here. What else happened?
Hmmm...well, is there something that has caused a lack of convo in your relationship? Perhaps you're not sure how to talk to him about the things you did before since you've done the deed? Or maybe he's not able to communicate with you because of the same thing. Or maybe you all didn't really have the relationship that you though, but you both held on because you wanted to have sex with each other?
This is a difficult question to answer, but I will tell you this - if neither one of you have your hearts in this anymore, then it's time to move on and count your losses. It does neither one of you any good to stick it out in a relationship that is basically tantamount to a "long-term booty call."
Sometimes waiting to have sex can complicate things or it can bring to the surface that what the relationship was built on wasn't that strong to begin with, or it can have the intended effect and prove that you got involved with that person for the right reasons and you waited to bring the physical in. Sometimes that's just the way things go, hon.
I wish you the best of luck.