Asked by Yamanaks on
Why can't I trust him?
My first love, a long distance relationship, cheated on me years ago. After that it seemed every guy I got involved with hurt me emotionally somehow. I'm starting to fall for this guy, and it's a semi long distance relationship. And I don't have any reason to believe that it isn't out with other girls or seeing someone else. But after everything and everyone else who has treated me wrong, I cant help but be unsure about him. Am I wrong for being skeptical? I just think I'm trying to protect myself, in case something does happen.
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I AM IN THE SAME SITUATION ACCEPT MY RELATIONSHIP IS NOT LONG DISTANCE. I HAVE BEEN MARRIED BEFORE AND WAS HURT VERY BADLY AND IT JUST SEEMS LIKE A PATTERN. THE MAN I AM DATING HAS BEEN LYING ABOUT ALOT OF THINGS HE STILL INCLUDING OTHER WOMEN AND NOW I JUST DO NOT TRUST HIM, BUT I DO CARE ABOUT HIM
I can totally related. My first love cheated on me left and right and quite openly. Hence, it impacted me as an adult woman. You could rationalize with yourself all you want it will only help so much. What I have done in the past is I would let my new partner know that I had this issue and that sometimes I just need some extra reassurance. That they needed to be mindful that if I am asking a question it is because I am concerned. I would also let them know that I am aware of that issue and am dealing with it as well. If you can, work with a therapist too.
First of all. You have to judge each guy on an individual level. If he's given you every reason to trust him, then go for it. But here is the catch. You've been burned pretty badly in the past, so it makes sense that you're trigger-shy to trust again. I think you need to examine yourself, think about what it would take for you to trust again. Be open with this guy, maybe he can help you.