I have been married for 30 years. I was so unassuming that I actually thought my mother in law liked me for the first 10. She had been saying things behind my back for the first years of our marriage and finally some one had the nerve to tell me. Little things fell into place. She basicly was jealous that her oldest son had married (she had been divorced most of her life) and no one would have been good enough for him...I am a good person with strong moral values and she has called me very ugly, degrading names. I attempted to talk to her once about it (i even apologized if I had offended her in any way)and she was even worse. I believe she has narcissic personality disorder because there are other people in her family that she treats this way. I told my husband that until she could apologize to me in person, that I and our children would not have anything to do with her. He is free to go and see her if he wants and also our adult children. I never believed that you are marrying the "family" but you are! We now live about 2000 miles away from her and my life is so much better. My husband even acts better:) Some people are mentally ill and can't change. Some people are just mean and won't change.

She is a bitch. My mother in law is the same. Everytime I go to see her, which is not very often thankfully, cos she lives abroad, she always has something bitchy to say. She told me that her son was too good for me. I had married a wealthy doctor, but had not brought anything to the marriage table at all. She says that the women like me in the west dont do anywork, but just sit around watching tv. Is always criticising me to hubby, and says I should be grateful for hubbie putting up with me as I suffer from severe clinical depression. She says I have ruined his life, and taken her son away from her. He moved to England with me, but has got a good job which allows her son to send her money home to her. She wants the money, but she doesn't want me. She is a bitch, but I have never spoken up to her and would like tips on how to do so.

Thank you all for your words of wisdom... if this continues I'm going to have to take matters into my own hands and speak to her. I now have some suggestions to help me prepare for when that happens!

Why can relationships be so difficult? I don't resent my mother-in-law in any way or feel jealousy towards her relationship with my husband. I even encourage him to call her when I know that it has been too long. It doesn't seem to matter, though, because nothing I do will ever bypass her judgment. In fact, she recently sent me a letter that literally described every encounter we have had in almost 10 years and how I did the wrong thing, mistreated her, or acted inappropriately each time. I so badly wanted to give MY side of each situation, especially since I remembered them all quite differently, but I refrained from doing so. The problem now is that I cannot imagine seeing her or trying to spend any time together (something I have always wished was possible), because I feel like everything I do is being judged under a microscope and added to her list of my faults. It's a terrible way to feel!

I definitely can relate. Before my husband and I got married, I was her "soundboard." After the engagement, all hell broke loose (thanks to my husband's brother who got so angry that we decided to get married). 5 yrs and a 2yo grandson later, it's still the same. Not sure what I did this time, but she definitely treats me differently than her other DIL (my husband's brother's wife). She and SIL even show me that they always have fun doing things together. So here we are, 5 adults (MIL, BIL, SIL, my husband and I) and a baby, with two dogs, all in under one roof and none of them speak to me, except for hubby and baby.

My MIL wasn't pleasant before we got married but got really mean after we were married and had our first child. I had spoken to my husband about the situation and he thought I was over-reacting. I was always trying to be nice and understanding until she poked me in my stomach two months after my C-Section to point out I was fat. Them I pulled her aside and we had a discussion that led to an argument. We have since had better discussions and she is much more respectful of me. Part of that is she felt that she could push me around. The other part was she was/is jealous of my relationship with my husband and the rest of her family. I have a better more open relationship with her kids and extended family than she does so it's led to some bitterness. Plus - we are complete opposites. My husband has always dated (even married once) women who were always just like his mom - but it never worked out - so he went the other direction. She really doesn't like it.
But as I said it's much better after we got things into the open. So I suggest you talk to her, away from everyone else and find out what's really going on.

Hi I just read your story and rely mostly. I have been married for 5 years by now, but I used to face the same nature of things as you do. My mother in-low used to say that her son could have had another girl prettier, wealthier and younger than me. She could find all the time errors on my chores the way I coked the way I did my make up almost everything. I remember I used to get angry and cry. My husband took the responsibility to resolve and help our relation. It wasn’t easy for him either because we were to special people in his life. He explained her that the reason he chose to marry me wasn’t that I was perfect but that he loved me and thought I was his perfect mate. He told her ( after I told her several times) that the way she talked to me was hurtful not mature and not loving at all. He asked her not to tell me anymore if I was right for him or not ( I wasn’t her chosen but his). After this she really changed and I think may be your husband in stead of accepting her “the way she is” need to talk to her seriously and let her know that she is hurting him too this way. I also encourage you not to be afraid to talk openly to your mother in-low and let her know that she is special to you and no one can replace her and also you are to special people in his life but with different roles .
Hope it helps. S.M

express to her how you feel your relationship with her has changed and ask her politley and camly if there is anything you have done to upset her (since she seemed to be getting along before the marrige) It is very possible that it did not hit her that you son is not her little baby anymore until after yall were married. she could just be feeling jelous which should pass overtime. but in the mean time if she says somthing hurtfull dont allow it. let her know that what she said has hurt you and ask her why she feels this way. if she is resistant to expressing her emotions about it then chances are she is just jelous and may feel like she has lost her son rather than gaining a daughter in law, in which case try to include her in your lives as much as you can without being overwhelmed or stressed. this should make her feel more like she has gained a daughter rather than lost a son,