Asked by Ace on
Do I tell him I cheated? Do I come clean with my affair?
My husband found me at his house. We were out side talking, but we have been seeing each other for about a year. He told me to stop the phone calls, the texting and going to his house or ???? My husband want to work things out and i do to, so do i tell him everything, because he dont know that it has crossed the friendship line if you know what i mean???
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being the one cheated on, once i suspected ( i heard from a outside source and didn't suspect a thing ( how blind or selfish of me ) i dug for dirt and found it, i confronted her with it (and asmost people usual she lied ) but the truth was the truth
we've tried to work it out ( and were still together) but for me it will never be the same. the trust was broken, and to say i'm not always on point would be a lie. once trust is broken i'm not sure how it ever can be repaired. i love my wife,,, but fully trust her like i did before, no way and also my heart has harden and mentillaly i ready for the worst case,, we go our seperate ways
I'm not married, but I have been in a relationship for several years. In terms on non-marriage relationships I feel that cheaters only confess to make themselves feel better, or if they're caught/ about to be caught. My boyfriend cheated on me, and to be honest I would rather never have known because even though he's sorry and I know he would never do it again I will never trust him the same way. When he confessed to me we were living in different states for the summer and I had just gotten back from Africa, so there was no way I would have found out that he kissed another girl, it was to only to ease his guilty conscience. However, some people feel that marriage is an entirely different level than a serious committed relationship. Think about why you want to confess, is to ease your guilty conscience. because if so save him the pain.
I think it would be incredibly selfish to "get it all out in the open". As a previous poster said, he obviously already knows something is remiss. What more does he need to know, details? How good the other guy is in bed? How unfair to torture his emotions in that way. He has given you fair warning that he is aware something is going on with this guy that he is uncomfortable with. Now it is up to you to decide whether you are willing to end things with this other guy and work on your relationship with your husband. If you are, then end things with the other guy and move on. Your husband doesn't need to know anything more after this unless he asks you point blank. If you're not willing to let the other guy go, THEN your husband needs to know what's going on. If you want to continue your relationship with your husband, assuaging your guilt by unnecessarily confessing the situation and providing details will make him feel terrible, frightened, insecure, untrustful and possibly ruin your relationship, and that's unfair to him. Good luck.
You need to listen to the song "Unfaithful" by Rihanna. I, sadly, have cheated several times, especially on my ex Chris. This song kinda became a theme song for me. Part of it says "and I know the he knows I'm unfaithful and it kills him inside to know that I am happy with some other guy. I can see him dieing..." now I don't know about you but I know with me I knew that Chris knew I was fooling around yet I didn't tell him cuz I didn't want him to leave me. But you need to get it out in the open and then you can start to earn his trust back, or he may leave you. But to ease your guilt and for his sake you need to be honest.
He is your husband! Tell him! I agree with brokenglass911, he knows. If you don't tell him then he may be thinking what else are you not telling him. The fact you carried on an affair for about a year says it all, IMHO, you already had problems. It is not like it was a one time "stuff happens" sort of thing. Tell him and if he is generous enough to forgive you, and you love him, then keep a nickle between your knees when it comes to outside sexual incounters, or open the discussion about becoming swingers....then you would have to be okay for him to openly be with others.
honestly i wouldnt tell a guy that i cheated on him,hell no! no matter how much you feel like you are going to explode dont tell him cause he will never trust you again. believe me i ask my boy friend that question on day and he said "its better for him not knowing." i know you feel like you have betrayed his trust but one day you will get over it.you dont even know how he will react and even hit you.
Sweetie, if he told you to stop calling, texting, and going to see the guy... HE KNOWS. You might as well confess and get it over with otherwise you're not going to be able to repair your realtionship. Furthermore, if you've been cheating for a year, a year... Ahh.. You need to think long and hard about what you really want because most affairs don't last that long.
This question feature is new, but already this is the third time someone's asked this. YES. You should tell him. He probably already knows. It sounds like he does. You need to come clean. It's the only way to move on.