Asked by Popple on
What can I do to make my mother in law like me?
My husband and I are on shaky ground, and his mother is not helping. She constantly makes passive aggressive remarks around me that suggest he could have done better. It's impossible to avoid spending time with her since we live in the same town. What can I do?
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Hi Popple,
When there is someone who does not like us, there is little we can do to change it. The same is true with your mother-in-law. Talk to your husband, talk to her, and do what makes you happy. Be true to yourself and when your mother-in-law crosses the line, tell her. Let her know that you care for her but you will not allow anyone to treat you unfairly.
Good luck - this is not easy! I have been married for nearly 25 years and my wife has yet to determine how she wants to deal with my mother.
what is your number
how do u no when a guy is lieing to u
fist of all she is just jeleaous that her boy is no longer there all the time and she needs to understand that he is a grown man and that he is happy, i known some mothers that are like that with their boys and that suck because thats just being selfish. think about how old is she, if she is like 60-70 dont worry cuz as long as he loves ya and adores ya then its ok. because he is fighting(in a sort of way) against his own mother to be with ya, let her see with time the great person that you really are, remember that no one can make you feel inferior. Have You talked to spouse about it? if he loves ya then dont worry. Just let it go and be happy and enjoy the time with your spouse because he is the most important person right now. Best of luck for ya.
The important question for me is whether she is really a nasty person, or if her remarks simply reflect jealousy regarding her son. The second one, I believe, can be handled by you successfully based on my personal experience. The first one, means you have to stay as detached from her as you can, and focus on your marriage and your guy. But let's talk about the first one because that's workable.. My experience says with time she will mellow and begin to like you (and get over her jealousy, at least mostly) IF you are kind and loving to her. So if you give her back smiles and kindness for her current remarks, she may begin to see you are a great person for both her and her son. After all, when she gets old she will need you and him on her side! Show her your real self, and don't react to what she says. Instead be calm and nice to her, and see what happens! It has been a great tactic for me and others I know.
as a mother of boys i already worry about this. i grew up with all grils and we are all a close nit bunch. now that i have boys though i can just say this. mils will never stop loving their boys and wanting the best for them. they want to be included just so they know they are still important to their boys, not because they want to take over or run their life still. believe me we are ready for someone else to take care of them!
Having been married to a mama's boy for 25 years I can say I have a few things to share with you... First thing is your relationship with your spouse is the most important one and you need to get into counseling or some kind of support where you two are working out your problems and differences WITHOUT mommy in the picture or knowing the details of your problems.. You have to stand your ground with her and establish bountries now with her and let her know she is not going to run your life or get involved any way with your marriage unless you ask her to... Just because you live in the same town as her does not mean you have to be around her.. Don't be openly rude or abusive but kindly let her know you and your husband are busy now spending some quality time together working on some pesonal issues and leave it at that... IT"S NONE OF HER BUSINESS Your husband has to get to a point where he is supporting you first over his mother and she needs to know he is doing that so she can't play those games of coming between you two.. your husband needs to defend you in front of his mother and say hey my wife is a great person and she is the love of my life and your comments hurt her therfore they hurt me so please stop.. Once she knows you are a team and have unity she will see that her antics don't work.. Don't let her see you get upset.. She wants you to get upset and look out of control and crazy like you are the problem, when she is the one manipulating everything... What I found with my mil is she was a very unhappy person and wanted to pick and make me unhappy cause she was jealous of our relationship.. She did not have a good marriage with my husband's father and looked to my husband for all her emotional needs very sad..You can't change her but you can choose to decide to not let her ruin your life and built a marrige with your husband... Spend alone time with him and get close and built a bond that she is not a part of... Becuase like the Bible says a man shall leave mnother and father and cleeve to his wife.. I have been married to my husband for 25 years and mil who is now in her 70's still tries to create trouble... She wants to be the center of attention and she even tried to turn my children against me.. She never gives up, and maybe in her fantasy world my husband is going to leave me.. but hello we are still together and going strong.. It is very sad that she has spent her whole life being like this cause I really care about her as person but I also feel sorry for her but I stand my ground with her and she knows it.. The most important thing now is your marriage and the family you make together...