Writer For Rolling Stone Loves My Profile, But Hates My Writing
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Writer For Rolling Stone Loves My Profile, But Hates My Writing

When I was online dating I received a message from a guy living in Boston. I wasn’t too impressed with his pictures. He wasn’t completely bad looking, but he was no Brad Pitt either. He sent me this message: “What a great--and-well-written--profile. Funny. Learned. Arousing, too, even. Cheers for the great read.” –C. (I will keep his name hidden to protect the innocent). I told him that I write profiles professionally.

How to write a dating profile, Tips 1, 2 and 3.
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How to write a dating profile, Tips 1, 2 and 3.

Sometimes the best way to learn something is by seeing it in practice. As such, I hope the following online dating profile tips will help you. I’ve chosen three excerpts from online dating profiles that I found on two popular dating sites, and I’ve provided a critique of each one.

Online Dating Profiles and Insanity
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Online Dating Profiles and Insanity

I once worked with an Art Director with whom I tried to bond by applying all the usual techniques common among humans. If we both liked an activity, I’d say “I like that too.” If she recounted an experience that I had shared as well, I’d say “That happened to me too.” If she had an opinion I agreed with, I’d say “Me too.”

Online dating and the importance of a great profile.
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Online dating and the importance of a great profile.

I was talking to a friend the other day who asked, “How’s your little side business going.” Cringing, I answered, “I have a two-week waiting list. I’m negotiating a speaking engagement in LA. Plus, a PHD who’s written 33 self-help books and was a guest on Oprah has recommended me. In fact, he called me an angel for doing what I do”. “Really? You’re serious?” he said incredulous.

Online dating profiles that make you think.
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Online dating profiles that make you think.

When I was a girl, I found my sister’s wig and soaked it in red dye. My goal was to wear it while gliding around and doing mime in some misguided attempt to be the next David Bowie (he studied mime). As I write this, I see that, perhaps, I had a lapse in logic or was undergoing some biochemical malfunction. Still, at the time, I thought my plan was solid and my rise to fame was certain. My sister, however, felt differently. Through my long and earnest explanation as to why I ruined her wig, she kept giving me the “What were you thinking!” look. We’ve all seen it.

Online dating and the Shannon Tweed syndrome.
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Online dating and the Shannon Tweed syndrome.

I was watching Chelsea Handler the other day as she interviewed Gene Simmons. Actually, it wasn’t an interview. It was verbal castration. Because of his infidelities, she went for his jewels with the ferocity and grip of a pit bull. I loathe Gene Simmons. I loathe his tongue, his tight, self-satisfied mug, his disposable use of women, his celebrity, his TV show (and his fans who’ve kept that “reality” show on for 6 seasons), and the fact that he has a daughter for whom he shows no respect simply by being the pig he is.

Online dating & competition
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Online dating & competition

Early in my career, I went for a lunchtime swim with a colleague. As we headed back to our offices she said, “I checked you out and you have a good body”. “You checked me out? Ew…when?” I asked. “When you were showering”, she replied. She turned down the hall and left me standing there mentally polarized. On one hand, I was just told that I had a good body. Awesome! On the other hand, I was also just told that my colleague not only saw me naked, she gave me the once-over.