As a dating coach, one of the most common frustrations I hear is: "How can I get someone to ask me out when nobody even NOTICES me in the first place?"
If you can relate, I have good news: You are not inherently invisible. The world is not divided into two groups of people: the naturally magnetic eye-catchers and the wallflowers who are destined to blend into the background. Using my simple 10-steps, you can make yourself more than just noticeable -- you can transform yourself into someone who is IRRESISTIBLY APPROACHABLE to the opposite sex. Here's how:
1. GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.
First things first...you can't attract someone special if they can’t find you, so you've got to pry yourself away from those "House" reruns and get out into the world.
I know that it can be scary and sometimes it seems much easier to stay in your protected little bubble, but the reward you stand to gain is definitely worth taking the risk. So put your shoes on and let's go!
2. DRESS CONFIDENTLY.
If you really want to get someone’s attention, you might need to step up your style a notch... and NOT for the reason you may think. I recommend wearing a colorful and flattering outfit not just because you'll turn heads (though you WILL), but because of the way it will make YOU feel.
When you look your best, it changes your whole demeanor. You know the phrase "take PRIDE in your appearance?" Well, when you're proud of how you look, your posture will straighten up, you'll feel more confident, and you'll be much more likely to make eye contact, smile, and possibly even strike up a conversation with someone new. That energy (fueled by self- esteem) will be incredibly attractive to others.
3. DON’T WALK LIKE A NEW YORKER.
Have you ever seen the way New Yorkers walk? They stride very quickly, head down, eyes on the ground (or anywhere that will prevent them from making eye contact of any kind), and plow through anyone and anything in their way to get to their destination as quickly and directly as possible.
Now I don't mean to pick on New Yorkers (I WAS one for years!). In fact, there's a REASON why most Manhattanites seem to walk the same way. With overwhelming crowds, crime, people begging for money, and solicitors trying to sell them something on every street corner, they don't want to ATTRACT any attention.
However, if you're in a safe, well-lit area and are familiar with your surroundings, I want to encourage you to remember the words "Don't walk like a New Yorker." Try walking this way instead: shoulders back, head up, straight posture, moderate (not fast!) pace, arms swinging slightly. You want your walk to say "I'm confident" and "I'm open to possibilities."
If you're finding it difficult to cultivate a confident walk, try this exercise. (It might sound a little goofy but believe me, it works!): Pick a song with an upbeat theme and a good, moderate beat. This is going to be your theme song. Load it onto your iPod and take it with you for a "practice walk." Walk to the beat (this is subtle- you're not DANCING, you're just getting a good pace to your steps), breathe, enjoy the lyrics, think positive thoughts, and smile.
You'll be amazed at how walking to your theme song will give you a boost.
Now the next time you're out and about, I want you to remember how you felt with your theme song. Hear the song in your head and walk as if it's playing. Pay attention to how your face feels. Are you scowling without even meaning to? If so, soften the muscles in your face and allow your mouth to curl up ever so slightly into an almost-smile. Widen your eyes just a bit so that you appear awake, interested in your surroundings, and excited about the world around you.
Now notice how people who pass you begin to take notice of you. It's subtle, but I guarantee that those who aren't completely lost in their own little worlds will acknowledge you in some way. Men might even smile back or say hello! (If this doesn't happen right away, don't be discouraged. Just practice this confident walk wherever you go from now on, and you will soon notice a difference.)
4. BE A BILLBOARD FOR HAPPINESS.
When you're excited about life, it shows... AND it rubs off on others. People gravitate toward happy people because they want the contentment that they have. So wipe that scowl off your face, curb the cynicism, and radiate the most positive energy you can muster. (If you're finding this difficult to do, start the day by making a gratitude list of 5 things you're thankful for - it can be your health, your charmingly crooked smile, or even your dog's unconditional love. This will definitely change your outlook.)
People are much more likely to approach someone who is smiling, laughing, and happily engaged with her surroundings (rather than the frowning, hunched over person muttering complaints under her breath... who'd want to spend time with HER?). Like the "Got Milk?" ad campaign, try being a walking billboard for "Got Joy?"
5. USE BODY LANGUAGE TO YOUR ADVANTAGE.
Did you know that only 7% of communication is verbal? That means 93% is nonverbal body language. In other words, your actions (very literally) speak louder than your words.
If someone spots you across the room but you have your arms folded across your chest, that sends the subconscious signal "Stay away. I'm closed off."
Conversely, if your posture is good and your shoulders are back, opening up your frame, it sends the message that your heart is open to possibilities (even if he's not consciously aware of it).
When you're engaged in conversation, leaning in toward the person you’re speaking with conveys interest (that's when being in a loud, crowded bar can work to your advantage! It gives you a legitimate reason to lean in and talk in one another's ear, which creates a connection).
If you're seated,