Think about it.... Why would a woman (or anyone, for that matter) behave in a dramatic (to use your words "needy, whiny, controlling") way?
The answer is in the very words you use:
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They have NEEDS (namely love, acceptance, security) that they desperately want to be met.
What comes to mind when you think of whining? Babies. Infants whine out of frustration because they don't yet know how to ask for what they want or need. The same goes for women of any age who haven't learned healthy ways of communicating.
Why do people become controlling? Because they feel out of control. This feeling of having no handle on their life scares them so much that they delude themselves into thinking that they have the power to MAKE someone love them or FORCE them to behave in a certain way.
In other words, she's ACTING OUT because she's hurting and she doesn't know how to get the love she so desperately wants and needs. Somehow along the way - whether it was a difficult childhood, a traumatic dating experience, or for any number of other reasons - she never learned how to love in a healthy way.
If I were to adopt your attitude, it would mean dismissing these hurting women as "lost causes" - unlovable and unworthy of a healthy relationship.
I'm sorry, but I just can't do that!
Instead, I choose to encourage women to take a look at their own lives and teach them how to fill their hearts up with love for themselves. And when my readers apply what I teach - focusing on creating a fulfilling life of friends, activities, and passions for themselves rather than waiting for a man to
come along and make them whole - the results are absolutely ASTOUNDING.
They feel happier. They wake up in the morning, excited about the day to come and the possibilities of love it brings. They get out and enjoy the fabulous life they've created, and while they're doing that, men just so happen to sit up and take notice. They see this confident, irresistible woman strolling down the street with a twinkle in her eye and a smile on her lips and think, "Wow...there's something about that girl. I've got to meet her!"
And listen, I understand that it sounds too good to be true. But believe it or not, it works.
When you're confident in yourself, you radiate happiness. The neediness that once scared men off has been replaced with deep contentment.
You cease to focus on CONTROLLING a man and instead put the focus on what you DO have control over... your own life.
The desperation you once felt (and BELIEVE ME, men SENSED!) has been replaced with security - a knowing that you WILL meet someone wonderful to share your life, but in the meantime, you'll enjoy everything that life has to offer.
Well, I was single for many more years than I've been married (it's still plenty fresh in my mind) and I can tell you that it's not about "loving" being single or "loving" being married...
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It's about LOVING YOUR LIFE no matter what phase you're in.