Loving someone with alcoholism is difficult and painful. In this beautiful essay [1] reprinted from the Bellingham Review in the Unte Reader, one man talks about his love for his wife and his struggle to help her.
When I think about her, I don't think: drunk. I think: runner. I think: artist. I see her dancing around our apartment, mouthing the words to Motown songs but miming disco moves. I consider how her voice deepens when she wants to talk about something serious, how she has no tolerance for indirect conversation or ambiguous language. I remember how my hands trembled when I met her. She wakes up in the morning in the middle of a conversation, asking, "What's the difference between a barnacle and a crustacean?" She has a long list of wacky endearments for me, including "my fresh coat of paint" and "my little prize-winning chicken," and she's in the very small group of people who think I'm fun--even when she's sober.
The one who sleeps beside me has become less dangerous and more familiar, too. I didn't know, when I met her, that alcohol was an ongoing chapter in her history. If I'd known from the start, I would not have proceeded differently. I approached the problem from a position of naive compassion, but I've grown self-protective. At times I see her as self-involved, self-indulgent, and see myself as misguided and desperate. That's what alcohol does. It tempers hope, alters perception. It lets the heart roam a little less widely, as though possibilities have become fewer, the world itself somehow less. It forces you to assess, a day at a time, risks versus benefits.
The truth is it is never black and white in a relationship. It is never easy as stay or go. When someone you love is struggling with a chronic condition, you feel conflicted, torn between fear and love, between doing what's best for you and staying loving and loyal to your partner. This is a beautifully rendered piece about a couple trying to make their love work [2] through the most difficult of circumstances. Read a story about another man who was forced to deal with how alcohol affected his relationships [3].