I admit it, I love Bridget Jones. (In fact, I actually watched her in both the original and the sequel last weekend. For about the eleventh time.) Still, it irks me that celluloid spinsters are portrayed as losers (however hilarious) when I think that in real life, single women may be the lucky ones. In fact, I’m thankful I didn’t hook some nice pre-med guy in college, buy a four-bedroom house in the ’burbs, and start churning out kids (my mom’s fantasy).

What I got to do instead: live abroad (twice), become a writer, interview tons of celebrities—Jon Stewart’s even funnier in person—date guys from every European Union country, not to mention make out with a Cuban musician in the streets of Havana during a festival celebrating Castro’s birthday. Not a bad consolation for no wedding or place settings of bone china.

I’m still hoping the right guy will come along, of course, but like most single women these days, I’m not going to wallow— or worse, settle. In fact, new research by Roona Simpson, PhD, at the University of Edinburgh, found that unlike Bridget, today’s “spinsters” aren’t obsessed by their solo state. Most are too busy pursuing their personal interests and careers or spending time with interesting friends or family members. (See another Tango article on balancing romance and career [1].)

“I have a very fun life,” says Rima, 40, of New York City. “I travel a lot.” (In the last year alone, she’s been to Tanzania, South Africa, China, Scotland, England, and artsy Marfa, Texas.) “As a journalist, I experience things that most of my married friends never do,” she says.

Heather, 29, of Boston, agrees. “If I were in a relationship, I wouldn’t be able to run my life as I see fit. I wouldn’t be able to pursue my master’s as easily, I’d miss my hour-long swims, and I wouldn’t have learned to sail or climb,” she says, adding that she wouldn’t want anyone to feel slighted by her commitment to her interests.

Simpson did point out that participants in the study were not opposed to casual relationships, which are “a form of companionship, such as going to the movies and having sex. But it was not with someone they would want to bring home to their parents, and they didn’t want to marry them,” she explains.

For Diane, 42, of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, being single has meant being able to spend as much time as possible with her son (now 18) and pursue her life’s passion, showing horses. “I’m just not going to give up my life for someone else,” she says. Other bonuses of soloing? “No dinners with his boss, no trips to visit his parents,” notes Dana, 34, of Nashville. (Check out this [2] Tango piece on parental approval.)

“And no one’s taking out their frustrations about their day or yelling at me about what I spend on shoes or travel,” adds Rima. What these women do have in common with Bridget is friends. “I have people in my life I can call on for anything,” says Rima.

“Being single actually helps you value friends and family more,” notes Sonia, 32, of Philadelphia, who spends her weekends going to galleries and flea markets with the girls. “When I was younger, I would start dating a guy and stop seeing my friends. But life is not just all about the new guy, it’s about the other people, too.”

Even today, “spinster” carries a sting. “I wanted to reclaim the word,” says Simpson. “These women’s lives are not characterized by loneliness and isolation.”

Heather agrees. “The notion that there is something wrong with a single woman, especially past a certain age, is alive and well,” she adds. “I think a lot of women fear turning into Patty and Selma from The Simpsons.”

Despite negative images, many single women wouldn’t change. “My life isn’t better without a commitment, but it is definitely just as good,” declares Dana.