YourTango readers: When it comes to the subjects of polyamory and swinging and open relationships, what are you honestly, truly most curious about? Do you want to know more about the rules and boundaries Carrie and I have developed for our own sex lives? Do you want to learn about how and why we decided to open up our relationship in the first place? Do you want to know what our friends and families have to say about our situation? Do you want to read more about our plans for the future, like our upcoming "UnWedding," or the possibility that we may one day add a permanent third person to our relationship?
Monogamy isn't for everyone, but for most of us, being with one person at a time is enough. You may know someone in an open relationship or non-monogamous marriage, you may have even flirted with the idea yourself, but chances are you decided it wasn't for you. That's what Nerve writer Naomi H. Lane thought, too, until she fell for two friends at the same time, and they were both already dating each other. This is a threesome like you've never seen before.
Opening Up stresses the importance of self-awareness, communication, honesty, trust and boundaries in open relationships advice that applies to any relationship, really, be it with one or many. Debauchette, a non-monogamous blogger made famous via New York magazine and a Diane Sawyer interview, captured this concept in a recent post: I don't know many happy monogamous couples, but I don't know many happy polyamorous or open couples either. It just leads me to conclude that relationships aren't easy, that we need to figure out what works for us, individually, that we need plenty of experience to make those determinations.
A husband and a girlfriend? An unconventional arrangement that works. "I want you to kiss me," she said. Funny she should use those words when they so closely echoed mine more than ten years ago. "I want to kiss you," I had said to my then best friend Sophie Anne. "Me too," Sophie Anne had said to me then. "Are you sure?" was what I said to Jemma, the girl who was now requesting that I do something that I imagined could change a lot of things for a lot of people. Of course, I never could have known then just how much change it would mean.
The raid on the Texas polygamy compound is messy and is going to get way messier. It's looking like the call to set the thing up was a hoax. Families are being split up. And those dresses that they wear. America is going to get its ears and eyes full of this business in the coming weeks.
A writer for the Chicago Sun-Times, Andrew Greeley, wrote a humorous take on polygamy for the rich. His premise is that A) it was kosher in the past and B) they do it any way, might as well set up boundaries. It's an idea worth considering for rich philanderers.
Hollywood rarely depicts sex accurately: near-instantaneous, always-simultaneous orgasms? Sheets that conceal only naughty bits? But they get at least one thing right: the act is often hot and the aftermath is often messy. And that's not even getting into polyamory or open marriage. Even the most fun threeway can wind up as complicated as Y Tu Mama Tambien or Wild Things. That Ky Henderson advises you set terms of a threesome to try to save feelings of jealousy and self-loathing and unpleasant realities like sexually transmitted disease and social stigma.