I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the basic philosophical difference between people who think in terms of “either/or” and those who think in terms of “both/and”. The latter is the (albeit in its most simplistic form) basis of Tantric philosophy. In a non-dual world view such as Tantra, either/or doesn’t usually make sense. Either/or supports a belief that one must choose between two things; as if the world were not infinitely abundant with enough room for “both”.
I have been working as a Tantrika, or 'Sacred Sexual Healer' for over 5 years now. These blogs are stories of the life events that brought me into this work, as well as my intimate experiences, challenges and joys within the wold of Tantra. Enjoy!
Whatever the case, the blogosphere is now abuzz with conversation about open marriages, which have been around for thousands of years, but have only reentered the spotlight thanks to marriages like Mo'Nique's and TV shows like Big Love. After combing YourTango's archives for first-hand accounts from couples in open marriages, we decided to shed some light on the most common misconceptions about polyamorous marriages:
The last time I wrote about monogamy it prompted a lot of great comments, which led to even more questions. The first question is: is long term (20 or more years) monogamy a natural state for humans? The second question becomes this: if it’s not our natural state, what are our options in a society that generally favors monogamy?
Lately the question of monogamy has surfaced a number of times for me. I’ve been contemplating whether I genuinely believe that long term (20 or more years) monogamy is a natural state for humans. This is a pretty intense contemplation, as it runs counter to virtually everything we’ve ever been told in our society.
Thank you all for your comments and questions about my recent blog "Open Marriage Benefit: A Three-Parent Household." I thought that this week I would answer one of the questions I received based on that piece. MaliMali asked, "Is she mainly your girlfriend? Is it like he comes home to two wives? Have you ever shared a boyfriend in your marriage?" The answer, after the jump.
Most of us are not ready for the honesty, transparency and humility that are necessary to make polyamory work. When I say humility, I mean being able to look at your own jealousies and insecurities with a gentle eye and a willingness to speak your truth with love.
The economy has forced me to do some corporate writing alongside my "real" work which means deadlines and company politics and stress. Combine that with a spouse who is in town for less than 48 hours a week and who wants (and needs) to do little more than rest during that time and you're likely headed for the looney bin—or worse. But because I am in an open marriage, a polyamorous relationship, a polyfidelitous vee, I am not alone…at all.
Last week Newsweek ran an article on polyamory. It got me thinking about consciousness, sexuality and relationships. Most of us are not ready for the honesty, transparency and humility that are necessary to make polyamory work. When I say humility, I mean being able to look at your own jealousies and insecurities with a gentle eye and a willingness to speak your truth with love.
You're in an open relationship, and you have both a husband and a girlfriend. What if your girlfriend or you or your husband all fall in love with someone else? According to polyamorist Jenny Block, "although they are very good friends, my husband and my girlfriend are not in love or involved with one another. And my girlfriend and I are very much in love. The thing is, we don't think of love as a limited commodity. So, falling in love with someone else is not so much of an issue."
What would you do if you found out that the mom you shared carpool duties with was a dominatrix at night? Or what if that cute couple next door wasn't really a couple—but a threesome or a foursome? How would you react? Well, you better get used to it, because all across America, in sleepy suburbs just like yours, moms are hiding secrets. Meet Robyn. She's a 44-year-old mom of three and a polyamorist who's currently involved in loving, intimate relationships with three men. And she's open to more, time permitting.