Maturity can be a good thing, especially when it comes to fine wine, aged cheese or ripe, delicious fruit. But as a state of mind, maturity can sometimes be prudish, lifeless and boring – exactly the reason why Peter Pan never wanted to grow up. “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” – George Bernard Shaw
It's no big revelation that men are driven by visual stimulation, and most men today have seen pornography in their life, especially since it's so easily available online, on cable, and on magazine racks. So what's the big deal? For one thing, I know of several marriages and intimate relationships that have ended or were severely stressed because the women were deeply hurt when they discovered their partner's addiction to pornography. Women rightfully like to feel that they are cherished as the woman most sexually-, emotionally-, intellectually-, and spiritually attractive to their partner.
1. Illusion: Out of lust means out of love. Fact: You can love someone in a romantic way even if lust wanes. Humans have a drive to feel lust, and we also have a drive to feel companionate love. Although these feeling states can co-occur at the beginning of a romantic relationship, they are ultimately separate sensations. That means you can feel lust without love, or as a relationship ages, you can feel love without lust.
Once upon a time, I received a phone call from an entrepreneur who told me that she was going to build the best online dating site ever: Fuego Connect. The problem with dating sites, she said, was that you have to sift through so many people who are nothing like you. Wouldn't it be great to have a website where everyone on the site shared your same passions?
That first kiss — oh, sometimes so magical! Other times it's completely evident that it will be the last. There are the passionate, let's-rip-each-other's-clothes-off type kisses, and then there are the perfunctory, seemingly meaningless pecks on the cheek. Some folks just want to bypass the kissing and get to the more physical activities. And, once they get there, kissing can serve to either enhance or interrupt. What's in a kiss for you?
Our series on guys and football kicked off this week with insights that our resident guy's guy, Tomfoolery, provided the women in our office. See, we were starting to think that NFL stood for "No Freaking Love" and that for the next five months in our lives, we'd never see our significant others during weekend daylight hours. Tomfoolery schooled us on the important psychosocial role football plays in guys' lives.
Football season: five months out of every year during which most heterosexual males would rather look at men in tight pants than at women in tight pants. The women at YourTango knew we weren't the only ones whose relationships are affected by our significant others' relationships with football, and so we took our questions and frustrations about football to our resident male mastermind, Tom Miller.
I frequently get the question, "Can I practice Tantra if I don't have a partner?" The answer is an emphatic "Yes!" It's true that there's nothing quite like dancing in ecstasy with one you love but not having a partner, or not having a willing partner, doesn't mean you can't live a passionate life. In fact, a partner can even be a distraction from taking responsibility for your own turn-on and taking an unflinching look at your own sensual health.
Positive changes always start with awareness. Whenever you find yourself pressured, dazed or confused by what life has thrown you, try coaching yourself with the above questions. The answers to these questions can help you find your way again.
Love: the word means different things to different people—and different things to the same person at different times. What’s in a word? Here are some meanings of “love:” Erotic love. We all know what this one means. It’s what we mean when we say we're “in love.” It’s “I want to have your babies”—or sometimes just “I want to have your body”. It also tends to burn out over time.
Research indicates that over 55% of married women are not interested in having sex with their husbands. I've worked with many men who also are not interested in sex with their wives. The problem is generally not a lack of sexual desire - it's that they are not interested in sex with their partner. Why?
Good relationships don’t just happen. I’ve heard many of my clients state that, “If I have to work at it, then it’s not the right relationship.” This is not a true statement, any more than it’s true that you don’t have to work at good physical health through exercise, eating well, and stress reduction.
When we’re having trouble in our marriage, we often begin looking outside for explanations for our behavior and to understand what is occurring with the diminishment of care and feelings for our spouse. The most important thing to do when keeping a marriage alive with passion is to embrace change and to seek out new skills to help your relationship grow in depth and maturity.
A word that comes to mind when we think of romantic relationships is often “passionate.” What is passion anyway? The definition of “intense emotion compelling action” really grabs me. When you are truly passionate about something, it will lead to compelling action.
Is loyalty love's friend or its enemy? Does love bring us together or rip us apart? We face what Love in the Western World author Denis De Rougemont called "the passion-fidelity dilemma." We want love that lasts, but we also want passionate intensity, and we suspect that we will at some point have to choose which love is worth having, the epic but brief romance, or the companionship that goes the distance. We suspect that passion is like ripe peaches -- short-lived, but much to be preferred over fruit canned in cloying syrup. Love isn't shelf-stable.
Dr. Adam Sheck describes the psychology behind submissive fantasies as a way to reignite passion. Do Women Want To Be Ravished? As a psychologist and couples counselor, I’ve been asked this question by men, women and couples for the last twenty years. My specialty is helping couples bring back the passion in their relationship and using fantasy is one way of doing this. And the fantasy of being ravished, being lovingly, yet forcefully taken by her man is consistently in the top five female fantasies, often the number one fantasy. This is different than the “rape fantasy” which has often been misrepresented.
It's natural when we feel low physical energy to try to address it with the usual tools. Certainly getting a physical, eating right, putting an exercise program in place and getting enough sleep is a great starting place. But there are deeper levels and more tools you can access beyond the physical. Here's a series of posts to help you understand the four facets: Pursuing Your Passion