Rather than trying to change your partner and fall under the "tyranny of shoulds", work together as a parenting team desiring to raise your child in a stable, loving environment.
What are we teaching? Children learn from us (and others), when we model a particular behavior, not from us telling them what to do. Ironically, we do much more telling than modeling. What sense does it make to punish a child for taking another’s toy if they have not yet learned the concept of sharing?
Using spanking as a punishment leads to the repetition and escalation of problematic behaviors.
Children need to be listened to. Do not assume that you know what they are feeling. The fact that they may not have words for their feelings makes it easier to dismiss them, and when they start crying inconsolably it can be equally challenging as a parent to be supportive, because a crying child moves many things inside the parents from our own childhoods. We often reflexively react to our children the way we were reacted to by our own parents.
Lately much of my work as a life coach has been focused on helping parents to find a healthy balance between helicopter parenting and “forget it, do whatever you want” parenting. As evidenced by the slightly crazed look in parent’s eyes when I suggest that they are hovering, finding that balance is a tough one. I struggle with it with my own three children yet one pervasive thought helps me stay on the ‘hold on loosely’ end of the parenting spectrum; the story my children will tell about themselves when they are old enough to venture out on their
Adults love to give kids warnings when a rule is broken and would love to believe warnings are a highly compassionate method of parenting, a reflection of our loving and kind humanity. But guess what? Warnings may be the farthest thing from true compassion. Though almost always well-intentioned, warnings will routinely backfire. Here are the main reasons why:
So many kind and thoughtful parents are trying so hard to simply have a lovingly positive impact on their child, only to see the child slip further and further into the realm of being “challenging.” This is so prevalent, even among the best and brightest parents. Difficult child behavior comprises a quiet epidemic – the kind that brings so many to their knees.
by Amy Hoglund, for GalTime.com How parents can work together better, even if they disagree You both want the best for your child. There’s only one problem; actually agreeing on what the “best” is.