How do parents relax? When it comes to this question, married parents may have something to learn from divorced parents. An expert explains what she calls "divorce's dirty little secret."
I’m from a huge extended family, so I spent most of my formative years changing diapers, cleaning up vomit and chasing after younger cousins. By the time blogs and social media rolled around, I’d already heard enough for a lifetime. I couldn't understand all the public over-sharing by new parents. Then I took in a teen from the foster care system, and everything changed.
You see the babysitter at the door and are super eager to rush out before the kids even notice you left … not so fast!
Invincible, proud, determined, excited and waving the rainbow flag. That's often the stereotypical view of a teen that comes out of the closet. On the other hand, they also often feel isolated, afraid, broken and not quite capable of fitting in. Regardless of the perspective, there can be one small, yet very large perception that get's overlooked and leads teens into sexual hot water!
Let me warn you! My ideas about school and education are anything but conventional... How are your kids doing in school? Do they excel in their studies? Are they given attention for what they need to improve? Do they fit in? Are they HAPPY in school? Do they even like it?
Lately much of my work as a life coach has been focused on helping parents to find a healthy balance between helicopter parenting and “forget it, do whatever you want” parenting. As evidenced by the slightly crazed look in parent’s eyes when I suggest that they are hovering, finding that balance is a tough one. I struggle with it with my own three children yet one pervasive thought helps me stay on the ‘hold on loosely’ end of the parenting spectrum; the story my children will tell about themselves when they are old enough to venture out on their
“Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted. It’s a phrase worth considering at every brick wall we encounter, and at every disappointment. It’s a reminder that failure is not just acceptable, it’s often essential.” Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture
Imagine a scene where you ask your teen to pick up his clothes and he smiles and does it immediately. Does that sound too far-fetched. Maybe not, read on…. Every teen misbehaves at some point or another. From talking back and slamming doors to ditching class and using profanity. It’s normal for teens to want to feel independent, but it’s not acceptable for them to act out in a negative manner. Don’t go to the extreme, however — sending them off to boarding school isn’t the answer.
There are a few things we know for sure. Don't abuse your children. Do feed, clothe and shelter them. Beyond that, you can probably find some sketchy opinion or study to back up any position you take on parenting.
We often tell our kids what not to do, when our goal actually is for them to do it differently, or better. Our parents probably did the same with us. We're so used to the negative language. * Don't leave your clothes on the floor. * Don't leave the milk on the counter. * Don't be late coming home from the party.
In a two-parent home, it's common for each of you to have different strengths and challenges when it comes to parenting. For example, one of you may be volatile, while the other is more even-tempered. Or maybe your partner is consistent with discipline and you are the 'soft touch'. This happens all the time! And then, of course, your teen manages to use it to his advantage.
