Generally, there are three types parenting that we tend to exhibit with our kids. Depending on our own family of origin we have either taken on the style of our own parents or swung the other way. Much of what we see as parents today is a pendulum swing away from the way we were raised. Who is to say when the pendulum will swing back if it ever does? In the meantime the following are three styles that may be familiar to you.
PARENT, PARENTAL APPROVAL
Finding out that the woman you are dating hasn't told her parents about you can be hard to hear. Why hasn't told them? Is she ashamed of dating you? Does she feel this relationship is not serious enough to tell her parents? Here we explore what to do and why she may not have told her parents about you.
Confession time. For a brief period of time, six years, I was married to a much older man. Back then 33 seemed really old and wise to a 19-year-old. He was a natural choice. Never around. From 19 to 25 I lived like I was single thanks to a spouse who was only in town one or two weekends a month. He'd leave me an allowance in our joint bank account and pre-arranged all the bills to be paid. For me it was an ideal arrangement.
This past week was my mom and my father in law’s birthdays and Hemal’s (my husband for those that are new) is on Sunday, so it is definitely a week of celebration for me! On my mom’s birthday, I posted the following on Facebook: “Today is my Mom's birthday! She is an amazingly dedicated, loyal, beautiful, compassionate woman. And an amazing singer. I still have songs that she sang when I was younger branded in my head. I am so honored to have her as my Mom.
In all my years as a parent educator, I have never met parents who earnestly wanted to hurt their children. Most parents sincerely want to encourage and empower their children to lead strong, successful lives. However, it is their lack of mindfulness that defaults into old patterns and belief systems that teach their children harmful messages rather accidently.
Imagine a scene where you ask your teen to pick up his clothes and he smiles and does it immediately. Does that sound too far-fetched. Maybe not, read on…. Every teen misbehaves at some point or another. From talking back and slamming doors to ditching class and using profanity. It’s normal for teens to want to feel independent, but it’s not acceptable for them to act out in a negative manner. Don’t go to the extreme, however — sending them off to boarding school isn’t the answer.
Adults love to give kids warnings when a rule is broken and would love to believe warnings are a highly compassionate method of parenting, a reflection of our loving and kind humanity. But guess what? Warnings may be the farthest thing from true compassion. Though almost always well-intentioned, warnings will routinely backfire. Here are the main reasons why:
Imagine a scene where you are laughing and having fun with the children in your life? Can you picture the joy you will feel when there is no stress or disharmony? Is it possible to have that quality time with your family and children in your circle of influence? You will think more positively after you have read these three easy steps to really enjoy children.
When I was a child, it seemed like every adult in my zip code had an uncanny skill for making a “mountain out of a molehill.” In other words, of taking the smallest shred of negativity and amplifying all the tyranny and rottenness that shred of negativity may have implied. Before I go any further, let me give credit where credit is due. Exaggeration—the ability to weave a grand story out of next to nothing—is a very creative endeavor. It takes a keen eye, creative determination, and a lofty ability to wax poetic on all that is wrong.
Failed time-outs can be a huge source of frustration for parents and teachers, making them question their skills and abilities, and leading to the belief that they need to escalate severity to get consequences to work. This can easily result in stronger and stronger reprimands, lectures, and even yelling, along with more and more drastic and punitive consequences. This is typically a recipe for disaster. There is a much better way. Really understanding why time-outs don’t work is the place to begin.
Setting boundaries in relationships can be difficult for adults.Understanding what teasing is fun and which is hurtful is hard for everyone. It is even more difficult for children to comphrend. One of the main goals of a child is to fit in and be well liked by their peers. Sometimes a message the child is receiving can have a barbed edge or be a subtle put-down by what your child believes is a friend. What is Teasing
So many kind and thoughtful parents are trying so hard to simply have a lovingly positive impact on their child, only to see the child slip further and further into the realm of being “challenging.” This is so prevalent, even among the best and brightest parents. Difficult child behavior comprises a quiet epidemic – the kind that brings so many to their knees.
Suppose your child has left Legos all over the living room again! Can you picture the chaos? Can you feel yourself become frustrated immediately? Are your shoulders instantly stiffening just thinking about the scene and the consequences? And this was just pretend. What happens when you are right in the midst of inappropriate behavior? Ponder What Discipline Really Means
There is a quiet despair among so many loving, smart, and deeply caring parents. They so desire to see their children manifest their greatness, to use their intensity well instead of having it go awry, and too often they see their best efforts to inspire respectful and responsible choices slip away to further levels of frustration.
We've all experienced it...the dreaded parenting guilt. You blame yourself whenever you see your child fail or if they are unhappy or struggling. You beat yourself up after you lose your cool when your child misbehaves, you wonder how you have failed your child when they come home with a bad test grade, and you are sure iti is your fault that your child hurt themselves when under your care. There's always something to feel guilty about when you are a parent!
What’s with the quality time that everyone tries to accomplish with their families? Do you run yourselves ragged trying to cram a week’s worth of quality time into your evenings and weekends. As a result, you feel even more pressure and guilt because all this quality time has left no time for housework and the more mundane aspects of family life.