Claire Cavanah, co-founder of sex shop Babeland, gives tips on working a vibrator into your twosome.
The YourTango team answers a question from Ask YourTango, where readers go to seek out advice on love and relationships. We know men love sex, and especially oral sex. But what's so great about third base? Men and women from the YourTango community weigh in with advice, tips and insights.
Being an oral goddess may not be your top priority, but it's a pretty handy (or, er, mouthy) skill to have. After all, who doesn't want to be the kind of gal whose mere memory can bring a wistful smile to any ex's face? And if that doesn't convince you to upgrade your oral game, consider the benefits of potential reciprocity. Research sexologist, sex journalist, Lemondrop contributor and The Sex Bible author Susan Crain Bakos tells us how.
How to distinguish between having sex and messing around. Definitions vary. Fifteen years after Lewinskygate you'd think we'd all have it figured out, but it seems we don't. Teenagers who haven't had intercourse are having oral sex and calling themselves virgins. Heterosexual couples who are in the early throes of a relationship say they still haven't gone all the way even if they've heavily petted.
Blow jobs are overrated. There. I said it. I know men who would fight a grizzly bear with a spork for a little mouth love. I also know women who guard their oral sexing technique the way a pharmaceutical company protects its most precious patents. But I'm just not a dude who loves blow jobs. I'm an active guy, when it comes to being intimate with a woman, and laying back and letting her go down on me has always felt passive to me. Disconnected. As if I could lean back and read The Economist or slurp a bowl of soup while being, uhhh, serviced.
I am a single man in my forties living in New York. While I have no problems meeting women and dating, I have a hard time performing oral sex on the women with whom I become intimate. Many of them have called me selfish. How can you help? SingleEdition.com's Sex&Intimacy Expert Cathy Beaton's Answer: You should know that not everyone performs oral sex on their partners, even in the best relationships where the idea of being selfish does not enter the equation. You might first try showering together so each of you is clean and have fun under the water, touching and teasing- then have oral sex (if you are uncertain about how to please your partner, ask her). If that doesn't make the act easier for you, be certain that you learn what other things your partner enjoys during foreplay-listen, learn and spend enough time pleasuring her in ways that turn her on-don't hold back on the time, affection and attention she needs and desires.
The Venus Butterfly. It made its debut on TV legal drama LA Law, when— during the 1986 Thanksgiving episode—script writers Steven Bochco and Terry Louise Fisher referred to a mysterious sex technique that guarantees a woman endless, repeated climaxes. The day after Thanksgiving the media was buzzing with talk of the trick, and every loving couple across the nation was wondering how to do it. But hey, it's just an urban myth, right? Sexologist Susan Quilliam investigates.
You know that old chestnut about men being pretty simple? It turns out that it's not so true. They (men) like to eat, poop, sex, sleep and watch sporting events (in an ideal world, all at the same time). But not all men like all of those thing (or any for that matter). Go figs, right? Scouring the interwebs the last day or so, I've discovered that men can't be totally pigeon-holed into anything regarding preferences or even gender roles. It's a brave, new, scary world out there. Here are six myths about men that the web has recently dispelled: Men don't like cats. Cat's are not man's best friend. There's some psychic connection between women (particularly older women) and cats that men just don't get, right? Apparently not the case. Lost Plum runs through the scenarios in which a heterosexual dude may have come to own a cat.
Fellatio field guide author offers simple tricks for maximum pleasure. Oral sex: brilliant, isn't it? It’s ridiculously intimate, severely sensual, and you don't necessarily have to take all your clothes off to do it. Whether it's part of foreplay or an act in itself, being a skilled fellatrix ramps up your bedroom (or back seat of car) technique considerably. The best oral sex exponents use their mouths, their tongues, their fingers, their eyes, their voice and—most importantly—their brain (but not their teeth, unless it's been asked for). Here are the basic ground rules from a male point of view…
As far as I can tell, not only should you be having lots of oral sex with the father of your baby—even up to a year before conceiving—you should also make sure to ingest his seminal fluid. Listen to what I'm telling you: the international medical community is giving you an Rx for oral. Sure, they say frequent intercourse is good, too, but oral is better. So, if you care about having a healthy baby and not potentially unleashing what scientists call a "destructive attack on the foreign tissues" of your fetus, if you want to avoid immunological disorders during pregnancy, and I'm sure you do, get to work. Or to pleasure, depending on how you feel about it.
Susan Crain Bakos is a research sexologist, sex journalist and author. Here, she tells us how to have an orgasm while giving a guy oral sex -- a tip from her book "The New Tantra." If you're in a relationship, you probably have quid pro quo sex: You arouse him with some oral sex, he returns so you can orgasm, you shift to intercourse for his peak and finish with The Cuddle for your benefit. Give your sex life a jolt with fellatio that will rock both of your worlds (really!). It's time modern women got down on our knees for something other than a yoga class -- to really worship his penis.
It was only natural since it's National Masturbation Month that we'd celebrate by browsing the Internet looking for a little upgrade. It's been a while, but we were sort of curious to see what the kids are rubbing themselves with these days. Not too much has changed. There's plenty run-of-the-mill pocket rockets and generic dildos to be had, but if you dig a bit below the surface you'll find some curious gadgets that err on the side of painful, campy, awkward or a kooky mixture of the three. Now, we're big girls here. A sex toy can hardly scare us. Rather, let's just say we're a bit jilted and weary with a renewed interest in gaurding our private areas.
According to SmarterSex.com, some people are also under the misconception that brushing your teeth after oral sex can prevents STD's. While we love a fresh mouth more than anyone, brushing can actually cause microscopic tears to form in your mouth, thus making bacteria transmission easier. If ever there was a reason to start flossing, this is it.