I’m sure there have been more stories about social media hurting a budding relationship than helping it, but let’s play devil’s advocate and examine the other side. Is it actually possible for social media (i.e. Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Pinterest and the like) to improve a relationship?
ONLINE DATING ADVICE
Question I'm an attractive and successful single woman who enjoys a fulfilling life but am just missing that special guy to share my life. Over the years, I've pretty much gone about my life with the belief that when I least expect it, I'll meet my special guy. This hasn't quite worked yet - any suggestions? Answer Since I’m a professional matchmaker, you’ll likely not be surprised to hear that I’m an advocate of being proactive in your love life.
I got contacted by a female client recently, she had one single follow up question to a consultation I'd given her on her profile, pictures, online behavior and even email techniques. Everything was solid and great, but I was happy to answer whatever this question was. Female clients are not rare to me. I love them. The funny thing is that in my business, Expert Online Dating, I've built a speciality around helping men do online dating.
When you start dating someone, there are a million little things your match might do to that will tip you off to his or her feelings. Whether it’s touching your knee during a date, a well-timed sly smirk, or simply a thoughtful remark, your date’s ways of wooing can be telling about where your relationship is (or isn’t) headed. But in today’s digital age, these signals can be viewed on your screen, too.
In 1995, the government agency that placed restrictions on the Internet’s ability to carry commercial traffic was decommissioned. This meant if you could afford a computer and monthly service, you could have the Internet in your home. Since the mid-1990s, the Internet has had a tremendous impact on culture and commerce including email, instant messaging, video calls and online dating. Yes, since gaining popularity since the early 2000s, online dating has revolutionized the way many women look at dating.
Why are there are a lot of interested women in online dating? Honestly, it is because there are many single men who are interested. If the interest is just one way, those online dating sites will not prosper. It is not something that men would normally blatantly broadcast, but a lot are getting the motivation because of many successful hookups.
The traditional liar found on dating websites is the guy who tells you he's 30 and single, when he's really 39, and married with 12 kids. It is also the girl who appears to look a lot like Uma Thurman, and when you finally meet in person, you realize her profile picture was indeed... Uma Thurman, as she looks more like Woody Allen, with a bigger bald spot. These impostors probably cause enough woe in your dating life. However, there is an even worse traitor whom you are very likely dealing with... yourself!
I recently received a message on OkCupid from an attractive, educated, interesting guy. All it said was, “Hi. Nice profile.” And he signed his name. I enjoyed reading his profile, but I was very put off by the red dot signifying that he “replies very selectively” to the emails he receives. My first thought was that he must ignore all of the women who email him. And in that case, why would I want to know him? Instead of jumping to conclusions, however, I wrote back. “Back at ya. But what’s up with the red dot?”
If your philosophy about online dating is that you don’t want to turn someone off with your profile, you’re doing it all wrong! You cannot be all things to all people. It’s much better to be specific and memorable than vague and forgettable. So, if your profile consists of a series of juxtapositions like, “I’m just as comfortable in high heels as I am in sweats.” Or “I like to go out and have fun, but I also enjoy a quiet night at home,” you can consider your profile completely unmemorable and resolve yourself to having an empty inbox
If you are frustrated with your online dating results, you may be making one of several, classic mistakes, so revising your profile could be the solution. When clients come to me as a dating coach asking for help with their profiles, these are the mistakes I tell them to watch out for.
The recent debacle involving college football star, Manti Te’o getting catfished is another unfortunate example of what’s wrong in our hi-tech social world. It’s a complicated, tangled story and it only seems to get more unbelievable with each new interview. What’s more surprising is that all of it could have been avoided with one simple step: a coffee date.
As I discuss in "How To Find Mr. Right Online," the menus can be a problem. People focus too much on the menus. Height, weight, body type, income, hair color, eye color, education, neck circumference, toe polish color, whether you prefer skinny or flare jeans ... It's no wonder online dating can be such a pain in the ass.