Photo: Pshevlotskyy Oleksandr / Shutterstock
Sexy is a state of mind.
By Eric Amaranth and Pink Kisses and Quinn Asteak, AADP — Written on Jun 23, 2022
For many people, there's a direct correlation between negative self-image and their libido. It's hard to feel sexy with a slew of negative thoughts swirling around in your head. We asked our experts to weigh in with simple yet effective ways how to feel sexy in your own skin.
Using the principle of acting "as if" (AKA, fake it 'til you make it), we think this can help even the most stubborn believer to connect with their more sexual self and reap some of the amazing benefits of healthy living.
Here are 12 simple ways to feel the most attractive you've ever felt in your whole life:
1. Embrace who you are.
Grab onto whatever bits you tend to consider your "problem" and tell that flesh, out loud, that you love, cherish, respect, and honor it, and let it know that it's absolutely perfect just the way it is. The more you say it, the more you'll believe it.
Most women have a tendency to use negative language about their bodies. Simply changing the way you think and talk about your body can have a powerful impact on all aspects of your life.
2. Do something that scares you.
It's easy to fall into routines that turn into ruts but trying new things literally triggers a happiness response in the brain. So do something you've always thought looked fun but never had the nerve to try.
That spin class you've been talking about trying is a great place to start. Go skydiving. Travel. Learn a new language. Get your Scuba certificate. Endorphins are a powerful thing, and you can stimulate them right now for immediate gratification and long-term gain.
3. Let yourself chill out.
The simple act of letting yourself relax is a tremendous first step toward total satisfaction. While it's easier said than done in a hyper-connected world full of stress, deadlines, and an inflated sense of urgency about practically everything, once you've mastered the art of letting go, a whole new world opens up.
According to Dr. Steven Snyder, "If you can't relax, sex is going to suffer." So every once in a while, turn off your phone and laptop, switch off the TV and lay your worries temporarily to the side. Make an appointment with yourself (or your partner) to do absolutely nothing for at least a solid hour — no agenda, no goals, no distractions — and see what happens.
4. Wear a sexy outfit.
Even if you're just making cereal, watching reality TV, or vacuuming the living room, wear something that makes your feel your best. Maybe it's some lingerie, a sultry summer dress, or your favorite skinny jeans.
Comfy clothes tend to give people permission to "let go" and start indulging. Ever notice that when you are wearing something sexy it changes your whole energy? Instead of getting home and getting into your comfortable clothes, light some candles and get comfortable with feeling sexy instead.
5. Flirt with other people.
It's as simple as making eye contact with people as you walk down the street. Maybe even give a little smile and ignite that twinkle in your eye. Just putting out those attraction vibes will instantly increase your mojo.
Whether you're married or single, we all want to feel desired. This type of innocent flirting is great foreplay that will instantly make you feel empowered.
6. Stop competing.
Body image agonies are aggravated to a great extent by woman-on-woman competition for desirability or "Who's the prettiest in the room?" Women will pick on the tiniest details and micro-flaws in other women because they are strongly focused on winning this competition.
Know this: most men are desirous of the major points of your body. They don't care about the small flaws.
7. Accentuate your positives.
Choose clothes, casual and Friday night outfits, that fit you (men) and accentuate your assets (women). Guys, go ask women friends of your partner or those who aren't prospective sweethearts to take you shopping and help make you over.
The transformations are really eye-opening. Seeing their approval and feeling your own improvement when you look in the mirror is what you need.
8. Pamper yourself.
Treat yourself to a little dose of lavish luxury. Give yourself permission to let go of any guilt and simply indulge in something that reawakens your sensual energy.
Maybe it's treating yourself to a massage, mani/pedi, facial, or a nice long bubble bath. You could go dancing or out for a nice long walk in nature. Simply allow yourself to relinquish responsibilities for an hour and reconnect with yourself.
9. Try on a different persona.
There's a reason why Halloween parties are so much fun, and why so many women totally change their hair after a breakup. Playing dress-up is just plain liberating. It's nice to take a break from over-analyzing how we look by making a drastic change, even if it's temporary.
Wear something totally out of character, just for a day, or book an appointment with an amazing stylist. Switch it up big-time and enjoy the way everyone around you responds.
10. Date yourself!
Independence is sexy, period. So whether you're officially attached or a totally free agent, treat yourself to a hot date with you. Hit up a new restaurant and order something delicious. Slide into an actual conversation with your server instead of a ten-word exchange about the menu. Bring a great book and pause between chapters to absorb the sights, sounds and quirks of where you are.
There's something mysterious — and therefore hot — about going on a little adventure and savoring the fact that the world is full of possibilities.
11. Get a massage.
Read a book and do research on massage; then, if you can, share what you learned with a partner. Practice and you'll get better.
Learning how to feel sexy isn't just about what you look like, no matter how much our culture is glued to that belief. It also lies in confidence born of what skills you can bring to the bedroom. If you know yourself as sensuously capable, then you will exude that confidence naturally — in and out of the bedroom.
12. Remember that resolve, determination, and spirit are the sexiest attributes of all.
Some tips are fast changers. However, as much as this stings to hear it, most major change doesn't happen immediately.
Take up an exercise plan for targeting some parts of your body you know you want to be changed, but along the way, be thankful for what parts are hot and be happy for your blessings and strengths. Don't get discouraged when you don't see results overnight.
Remember that the path is the result — and investing in your health and well-being in a positive way is never going to disappoint.
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Eric Amaranth is a life coach covering topics ranging from solo and partnered women's and men's sexuality.