The rest of the world may be setting their Tivos and icing their cakes for April 29th's royal wedding extravaganza, but iconic journalist Christopher Hitchens is hoping the blushing bride gets a serious case of cold feet. After numerous cycles of divorce, scandal, and general snobbery in the Windsor clan, Hitchens told Slate that Kate Middleton would be far better off if she ditched the much beleaguered Windsor clan and left the crown for someone unfortunate enough to have inherited the "hereditary disease" of monarchy.
With uncle-in-law Prince Andrew dealing with the consequences of a cozy relationship with the Qaddafi clan and Princess Fergie battling the press after she borrowed money from a sex offender, Hitchens says that life with the Windsor family is much more daytime soap than it is fairy tale. To be fair, the process of maintaining a royal image is as dated and unfair as the tradition of monarchy itself, and the love of the British people can be a blessing as well as a curse.
"This love takes the macabre form of demanding a regular human sacrifice whereby unexceptional people are condemned to lead wholly artificial and strained existences, and then punished or humiliated when they crack up," Hitchens argues.
The perfectly poised Kate is yet to be humiliated by the unforgiving press, but she has already dealt with judgment and disapproval from her in-laws, who have criticized everything from her wardrobe to her middle-class pedigree. The press pooh-poohed her gum chewing at William’s graduation, and even criticized her poor mom for referring to the bathroom as ‘the toilet’. Dealing with constant pressure to be perfect can’t be easy, and all wealth and glamour aside, over 50% of Americans agree that they wouldn't want to fill Kate’s diamond-studded shoes.
Still, many feel that Kate’s modesty and mainstream appeal may be a much-needed facelift for the aging British monarchy, and her seemingly iron-clad relationship with William could make her better equipped to handle the ridiculous demands than her doomed predecessor Diana. Either way, Hitchens’ only advice for the bride-to-be is to duck and run for cover.
"If you really love him, honey, get him out of there, and yourself, too," Hitchens says. "Many of us don't want or need another sacrificial lamb to water the dried bones and veins of a dessicated system."
Photo via INF