Photo: Kiselev Andrey Valerevich / Shutterstock
It's time to turn the tables and lead by example.
By Jennifer Tardy
Last updated on Dec 25, 2023
Whether a man is opening the door for a woman, sliding the chair away from the table so she can sit down, paying for her dinner on the first date, giving up a seat for her, or simply allowing her to enter the elevator first, these are all common ways, as a society, we define chivalry.
But one study suggests that men see women as inferior simply because they are being chivalrous. So, why can’t women simply return the favor and even the playing field?
If chivalry is to remain, we have to adjust our actions and reactions, in some instances. Men want to see that not only are you appreciative of their actions, but that you are able to return the favor and become a chivalrous woman.
No one is asking you to abide by large romantic gestures, but there are many ways in which you can still be a beautiful, feminine woman and still show him chivalry.
Here are 8 ways women can show chivalry to the men they love.
1. Offer to split the bill.
Many men claim they are still single because they can't afford a girlfriend. And as funny as this may sound, there's mounting pressure on men to pay for everything: the dinner, the movie, and even the late night drinks.
Photo: Jack Sparrow / Pexels
When it comes to chivalry, the main request men have is that women should at least offer to split the check. Most of the time a man will say no thank you, especially if it's on the first date, but the notion that you offered to help him is a good sign of what type of partner you could be for him in the future.
When women show chivalry by at least offering to split the check, it makes a great first impression.
2. Take the lead.
Ask him out on a date and pay for everything: the dinner, movies, and late night drinks. If you're open to considering doing something like this for a man who has been doing this for you for such a long time, there could be huge advantages to both of you.
This will be a benefit to him because it will relieve the mounting pressure he feels in assuring he can afford wining and dining you. And this will also benefit you because you will be able to better empathize with all he’s going through in order to make you happy.
Plus, it shows that you really care about the effort that he puts in by matching it.
3. Surprise him — just because.
You can do something as simple as sending him flowers for no reason at all, picking something up at the store because he says he's been wanting it, or making his lunch for him before he heads out the door to work.
Show him how it feels to be wooed. Some of the most macho "manly men" will try and act like you’ve embarrassed them, but even they will have to admit that it felt good to know they were thought of in a special way.
4. Say 'thank you'.
Show your appreciation with two little words: "thank you." Each time he behaves chivalrously, act like no one else has ever done this for you before. Or, at least act as if he’s never done this for you 100 times previously.
So this way, when you say “thank you,” it will be done with such fervor that will inevitably send a good burst of energy his way and will encourage his actions to continue.
5. Wait for him.
When he opens the door for you, odds are he may have to open the door for others, too. To stop that from happening, be sure to wait for him with a smile on your face.
Ensure that he sees you noticing how he’s been so helpful to others and not just you. And when he catches up to you, go ahead and lock hands or arms with him, showing that you're so proud to be connected to him.
6. Drive him this time.
If your man is the overly chivalrous type, odds are, he doesn’t mind doing the brunt of the driving whenever you two are together. What do you think he would do if one day you decided to get behind the wheel and say, “Baby, you relax this time”?
That would bring a huge smile to his face, at least once he moves past the initial shock. As a disclaimer to this suggestion, make sure that you're a safe driver. There could be other reasons why he does the majority of the driving when the two of you are together.
7. Bring him lunch or dinner.
If the fastest way to his heart is through his stomach, can you imagine how he’s going to feel when you bring lunch or dinner to work or by his home?
You can do something as simple as calling him to tell him that you're going to stop and pick something up for the two of you to eat. Or, if both of you are lounging around the house, you can be the one to volunteer to go to the store while allowing him to relax. He would really appreciate you for it.
Photo: Mizuno K / Pexels
8. Don’t expect anything in return.
Though you're going out of your way to be chivalrous, don't do so with the expectation that he will also be chivalrous. Women who wait by the door until he opens it are only showing that they are expecting him to do certain things for them.
Instead, act appreciative, almost like it’s a pleasant surprise. And always follow it up with a verbal expression of your gratitude, by saying thank you or complimenting him.
Make it count so he doesn’t believe it's a one-time thing; rather, make it a habit.
If you can follow these simple, yet meaningful steps, you will soon be on your way to becoming a chivalrous woman without worrying that he thinks of you as a woman who needs to be taken care of. You’ll be able to bask in the best of both worlds — you will feel good and taken care of and so will he.
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Jennifer Tardy is a life coach, relationship coach, recruitment consultant, author, and contributing writer to CharlotteStyle Magazine, Examiner, Huffington Post, The Muse, Fast Company, and Wired, among others.