I had a boyfriend, he passed away. his funeral was last week Saturday. He was married but going throgh the divorce by what he said to me as he was no longer living with his wife.

the divorce was not yet through, so the wife didn't allow me to attend the funeral. the last time I saw him he was alive, I never see him dead. I don't know how do I cope with all this. I loved him and I know he did. but now i feel like all this thing was wrong. If i didn't even get in that relationship, if he didn't came in my life. I'm regretting everything. everytime when I'm alone, its like I'm going to see him coming. when I check up my phone its like I'm going to see his message or missed call.