Love Cleanse - Day Ten - October 14

I emailed him a bit yesterday. I got an email that a woman he used to date is following me on twitter now; I wasn't sure it was her and I wasn't in the mood for cyber-sleuthing, so I asked him to confirm.
 
Then this morning, I learned something about a person he and I have chatted about so I sent him a message, just telling him the story. Not asking for (or expecting) a response.

I had a longer-than-expected commute to work this morning; accident or something. Anyway, it gave me a long time to think. Not that I really came up with anything new.
 
I miss him everyday. Seeing him show up on twitter or my inbox doesn't bother me; it makes me smile. Not because I expect anything from him; because he brings out my smiles. I miss having him around; not because I need someone, and not because I haven't found anything to do. I've gotten some stuff done around the house; I've caught up on some reading; I have more plans with friends and family. I'm less and less worried about filling my time. I miss him because my life is better with him around.

But is that love? Or is it friendship? I'm not sure. I think it's love. A part of me wants to reach out to him now and tell him. A part of me thinks that is selfish; a part thinks it's foolish. A part of me is scared to hear what he has to say, and is in no hurry to find out. I think it's most likely that he would say all he feels is friendship, and he's moved on.

I feel good today. I went to dinner with a group of people I met through a blog, that I'd been wanting to meet for a while. I had a good time. This weekend, I'm will get way to my cousins, which is a distraction I really need. I'll be seeing them again in a couple of weeks, too, for a fundraiser. I'm trying to use that as my focal point; I want to get there before I do anything. For the first time, today I felt like I might be okay if he didn't want to get back together. I'm not sure if that means I'm over him, I'm getting over him or I'm fooling myself? Part of me thinks saying something now would be good - it can't bring me down too much when I'm feeling okay, and I've got distractions coming up. Then again - do I want to ruin those good feelings?