Ask a guy to sniff a perfume and the reactions will almost always be the same.
He's more likely to crinkle his nose up, sneeze, or groan than he is to rip off your clothes and take you to pound town right there by the food court.
In other words, the opposite of attracting him into the lure of your sensual nether cave.
You know, your vagina.
Perfumes might be designed to act as aphrodisiacs to attract the opposite sex, but the reality is the smells that really make me drool and think with their little heads aren't the smells you're going to find in fancy bottles.
The Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation (the best or worse foundation to work for depending on what they're researching) sniffed out the smells that attract men most. The surprising finding? It wasn't just perfume that they loved.
It was the scent of some common yummy foods that got the guys aroused.
But, short of coating your body in cookie dough and shampooing with vanilla ice cream, there are plenty of perfumes that make the most of what men love, you just have to know what kind of aphrodisiac you're looking for.
Here are the 7 scents that got dudes' penises standing at attention, and (bonus!) where to find them in the perfume aisle:
1. The Scent: Vanilla
It's long been believed that vanilla is a natural aphrodisiac: as early as the 1700s, physicians recommended it to male patients to ensure potency. And the guys at AskMen.com say the sweet, welcoming odor has a euphoric effect that sets the sensual mood.
I say if something smells like vanilla and it is not a vanilla cake, the world best be prepared to burn. But hey, that's just me.
The Perfume: Shalimar By Guerlain
This powdery vanilla scent is a sexy classic. It's not candy-sweet, either. Inspired by the love of an Indian Emperor for his wife (for whom the Taj Mahal was built), this delicious fragrance starts fresh and light, with lemon and bergamot, and reveals itself to be sensual and soft, with base notes of vanilla and incense.
Bonus points, whenever you put it on you get the fun of whispering "SHALIMAR" dramatically to yourself.
2. The Scent: Doughnut & Black Licorice
This sweet combination increased arousal in more than 30 percent of men studied by the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation. I mean, who hasn't wanted to screw a donut, amiright? That said, I find the inclusion of black licorice deeply problematic.
The Perfume: Demeter Fragrance Library's Licorice
This library of singular scents (everything from fresh laundry to Hello Kitty-inspired fragrances) has something for everyone, including your guy. Not sure you want to douse yourself in licorice? Lather up with the licorice bath & shower gel, or add a few drops of the Angel Food bath oil to your next bubble bath. Combined with your favorite perfume, the subtle smell will drive him crazy enough to pine for sex with a donut. Or like, you know, you.
3. The Scent: Pumpkin Pie
The scent of pumpkin pie (especially when combined with the smell of lavender) increased arousal in 40 percent of men and not just because all men want to have sex with pies. The Foundation theorized that the men in their study may have reacted to the vanilla and cinnamon in the pumpkin pie, both of which have been claimed to have aphrodisiac qualities.
The Perfume: Bath & Body Works Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin
This sweet and spicy collection includes shower gel, body lotion, and a body splash, and combines pumpkin and cinnamon with apple, cranberry, and clove, for a subtle, light scent that's sexy, not Thanksgiving. An alternative, cover your entire body in pumpkin pie and ask him to lick it off. I am only 50% joking about trying this.
4. The Scent: Orange
The citrus smell produced an arousal reaction in almost 20 percent of men, and it makes sense. Oranges conjure up thoughts of sun, of sweetness, and of squeezing ripe boobs. Of course, they love an orange scent!
The Perfume: Boss Orange
This scent from Hugo Boss will have his senses tingling, with top notes of sweet apple and soft florals that give way to orange blossom. The base includes sandalwood, olive wood and creamy (lol, like sperm) vanilla, another male favorite.
5. The Scent: Popcorn
That's right. Movie night just got a whole lot sexier! Turns out, men are incredibly turned on by the scent our favorite salty and crunchy snack. Maybe pick a movie you don't actually want to see? You might be distracted.
The Perfume: Demeter Fragrance Library's Popcorn
And we're back with another unique singular note from Demeter Fragrance Library. This one literally smells like popcorn. Better pop a hole in that popcorn bucket or get ready to bring movie night to the bedroom (or anywhere!).
6. The Scent: Chocolate
Calling all chocoholics! Of course, chocolate is on the list because chocolate is the greatest thing that there is except for maybe my cat, who is also darling but sadly, whose scent does not inspire lust.
The Perfume: Serendipity 3 Serendipitous
Famed NYC restaurant, Serendipity 3's answer to perfume. Forget about eating the frozen hot chocolate ... why not WEAR it? This perfume has some serious chocolate notes with hints of vanilla and orange (both of which are also arousing fragrances!). I'll stick with the sundae, but this is fine in a pinch.
7. The Scent: Lily Of The Valley
Finally, the guys responded to a scent that doesn't come from the kitchen. The delicate white flower gives off a light, subtle scent that men love: in this study, it heightened arousal in 11 percent of men.
The Perfume: Eternity Summer By Calvin Klein
This is a watery floral scent that's cool and fresh. Lily of the Valley combines with pink peony and freesia for a subtle floral he won't be able to resist. Creamy musk and white amber lend some sex appeal to the scent, and grapefruit and ginger keep it fresh, not overwhelming.