Are you the "bad date?"
First dates. Magical Moments when you realize you have a connection with someone, or the stuff nightmares are made of. The fine art of first dates can be the beginning of a beautiful relationship or wreak havoc on the egos of even the most confident among us. We all have first-date horror stories. The guy who spent an hour longingly reminiscing about his years as an eagle scout or the one who takes three calls from his ex-girlfriend before appetizers even arrive. I even had a female client tell me that a blind date walked in and, without saying a word, walked right back out. Ouch! While we can laugh at these stories, have you ever wondered if you are “the bad date?” The offender who gets laughed at over happy hour with friends? Warning! Red Flags To Watch For On The First Date
No, you say, of course not. But, I regularly talk with singles that are able to get the first date, but never get a second one...and have no idea why. There are many reasons why two people connect. Try to follow these tried-and-tested rules to make sure your next first date gets the proper opportunity for a second one.
First Date Do's:
*Get in the right mindset! Somewhere along the way, dates have turned into an interview for marriage. Gee, that isn’t intimidating or anything! This is a date. It’s two people getting to know each other in a safe, social setting. You are not looking for a spouse or even a significant other. You’re just looking for a second date. Your new mindset? Have fun, keep it light, and stay in the moment. At the end of the date, ask yourself if you want a second date? 4 Signs Your First Date Should Be Your Last
*Listen! I love the story about a so-called “successful” date one client had. The connection was there and the conversation flowed all night. “I can’t believe he didn’t call!” she said after a week had passed since her “amazing date.” But, when I asked her to tell me more about the other person, her face went blank. It’s true the conversation flowed … from her. Listening is a key rule for the first few dates. It’s a sure-fire way to make a positive first impression, and it will immediately show that your date – not you – is the center of attention. No matter how easy this sounds, asking open-ended questions and actually listening to the answers will get you everywhere.
*Be a chooser! Sometimes we are so excited that someone is interested in us that we forget to see if he is, in fact, a good match. We allow ourselves to be “chosen” by the other person, instead of choosing that person ourselves. We need to know what we are looking for in a date, and we need to have the confidence to be able to choose (or not choose) a person based on our own beliefs, values, personality, etc. The minute we let someone else choose us, we are handing over the power in the relationship. This almost guarantees future resentment, anger and frustration. You need to be willing to know what you are looking for and choose him back. Should You "Google" A First Date?
First Date Dont's:
*Drag it out! I don’t know when we decided that every date needs to last hours. I don’t think anyone wins from that situation. Your first couple of dates should be short and easy. Set up a lunch or coffee date. Talk, ask questions, laugh…and leave. Your date will find you a lot more intriguing if he knows you have a life to get to, and it will give your date a reason to call and ask you out again soon.
*Dress inappropriately! Wear an outfit that makes you feel great and gives you confidence. If you are out with friends and want to wear a shirt that’s maybe little too low-cut, that’s fine. But it is not appropriate for your dates. The idea is to have someone interested in all of you, not just parts. Also, don't wear something that looks good but makes you feel stiff or awkward, as this translates to your behavior and body language. Remember, your objective is to get to know the other person and have fun in his or her company; you can't do that if you're distracted by your own clothes. Dress The Part To Steal His Heart
*Drink too much! You’re a little nervous about dinner with your new date, and you figure a glass of wine will take the edge off, right? There is nothing wrong with a drink or two with your date (depending on personal limits, of course). But nobody wants to talk to a drunk person across the table. Not only is it a turn-off, but you are more likely to share things you wouldn't normally share. You will wake up embarrassed the next day and you probably won’t get a call for a second date. 4 Alcohol-Free Date Ideas
*Reveal everything! As you are getting to know someone, keep the conversation interesting, but keep it light. No one needs to hear about former relationships or how many children you want. Not on the first few dates. Find fun and neutral topics that will give you a peek at this new man without sharing too much too soon. We all move at different paces and "putting it all out there" right away can be intimidating for some guys.
There’s no denying first dates can be intimidating and nerve-wracking; there can be a fine line between putting your best foot forward and being yourself. But, by keeping these simple tips in mind, your next first date can easily and quickly morph from an anxiety-ridden situation into a fun, relaxed event that hopefully leads to date #2.
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