The Recipe For Intimacy: Revealing And Accepting

By

The Recipe For Intimacy: Revealing and Accepting
Intimacy flows when we are open, kind, interested, supportive and self-revealing with each other.

Most of us say we want a close, connected intimate relationship, but this doesn't just happen. It is made up of two essential parts: revealing yourself and accepting your partner. While this might sound easy, it is generally quite challenging for two reasons:

  • In order to reveal yourself, you need to know yourself.
  • In order to accept your partner, you need to accept yourself.

Intimacy occurs when we each share ourselves with our partner — revealing our feelings of love for our partner, as well as our fears, vulnerabilities, hopes, desires, and needs. It's the sharing of feelings that creates intimacy.

Sharing Yourself With Your Partner

In order to share your feelings, you need to know your feelings, and this is where it can get tricky. How often are you aware of what you feel? Do you avoid your feelings by focusing in your head rather than in your body where your feelings are? Do you avoid your feelings by judging them or by turning to various addictions to numb them out?

When you learn to accept your own feelings and learn from them rather than avoid them or judge them, then you can share your feelings and your learning with your partner.

Another tricky aspect of sharing your feelings with your partner is why you are sharing them. Are you sharing them to make your partner responsible for them or are you sharing them as a way of revealing yourself to your partner — a way of creating connection with your partner? Understanding your intent in sharing your feelings is vital to creating intimacy. When you are taking responsibility for your own feelings and learning from them, then sharing them with your partner will deepen your intimacy. Keep reading...

GO FURTHER TOGETHER WITH MORE SPARKS AT DUREXUSA.COM/GETCLOSER

Learn more about the Liberating Side of Being Together:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Margaret Paul

Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

If You're Always Getting Overlooked, You May Be To Blame

By

It feels terrible to be constantly overlooked. This is the situation that Melanie is struggling with: "Even when I think I am fitting in to a group and talking to everybody okay, I always seem to be overlooked when it comes to invitations etc. and then I feel completely invisible, as if they either don't remember that I exist or they are ... Read more

Do You Remember What You Say When You Are Enraged?

By

"Rage can…shut off the hippocampus [linked to memory], and people with out-of-control anger may not be lying when they say they don't recall what they said or did in that altered state of mind." Mindsight, P.155 Daniel Siegel, M.D. Have you had the experience of someone being enraged at you, and then when you try to talk about it after ... Read more

You Have To Love Yourself Before You Can Love Another

By

Antonio consulted with me because of problems he was having in his marriage. He was very distressed that his wife, Cynthia, never wanted to have sex with him. In the course of our work, it became apparent that Antonio was very judgmental of himself. Throughout a day he was constantly telling himself how inadequate he was. "You certainly messed that ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular