Everything happens for a reason… yeah right… or so I believed…
by Laura Kendall
Everything happens for a reason. Yeah right! Or so I believed.
For many years it has been impossible for me to wrap my mind around this saying. I've been on a never-ending quest of WHY. A quest that finally ended just a few days ago when I started reading a book titled - Everything happens for a reason (finding the true meaning of the events in our lives) by Mira Kirshenbaum. Thanks to this amazing book, I now know without a shadow of a doubt why the horrific catalyst of events that happened and forever altered my life and the way I see life, had to happen.
For so many years I stayed rooted in the story of my past - why? why? why? I'd ask repeated. Why did this happen to me? Why was I betrayed by so many pivotal people, family members and the born again Christian church I lived my life for? People who loved money far more than they ever loved me. Why did I lose my family, life style, faith all in one powerful swoop?
As I started reading this book and asking myself the series of simple questions in it, things became blindingly clear. These events had to happen in order for me to become the woman I am today. The story I live today is far different from when these events happened. This book made me realize I've actually made a pretty darn good life for myself. For the first time in my life, at the age of 51, I actually love myself. I believe in myself. I finally know that my beliefs, wants, needs, passions, voice to be heard - MATTER!
I have to confess that up until I was badly assaulted in 2010, while in the performance of my job as a paramedic, I wallowed in my past story and I had the self-esteem of a rock. I was someone who didn't feel like I mattered. I had no voice. I took on the beliefs, wants, needs of others because they told me I should. I was not equipped than to really see the truth - that I do matter as does everyone else in this world. No one of us is better than the other. No one of us should ever push our beliefs or wants or needs on another person. Whether we realize it or not our actions and words have profound effects on people in our lives.
It took the assault, the trial (facing my assailant) and going into Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, for me to finally wake up and start figuring out me. I now realize that I have been on the most amazing journey. A journey not to the center of the earth - but to the center of Laura J. Kendall. A journey certainly not over. I still have times where I slip back to the old me - the old way of thinking, but now with my lessons learned and the meanings I have gotten from this book, I can pick up the oar and row my ass right out of the old- why me- lagoon and into fresh, clear, clean water of thinking.
I have been feeling this for a while now, but couldn't put it into words or true action.