Ah, Valentines Day! Such a romantic time of year, isn’t it? However, while some are shelling out the cash for roses and such, others are either plotting the demise of someone else or, and horrifically so, devising what they think is romantic but is actually the creepiest of the creepy.
But hey, Valentines Day gifts come in all shapes, sizes and messed-up dimensions … so don’t judge.
1. Pig's heart with a nail through it. Seriously? Yes, seriously. This is what Real World: London participant Neil received as a "gift" from his then girlfriend. Yummy? Pretty? Romantic? You decide.
2. Severed head. "Taking someone's head after killing them was a ritualistic part of life in the culture until the 1930s and suitors would present severed heads to potential partners to woo them or to brides to celebrate their marriage," according to archive material in the Royal Botanic Gardens at Kew. But the real question is what does one do with a severed head … put it on the wall? Say thank you and store it in fridge á la Jeffrey Dahmer? Yes! (I think.)
3. Hissing cockroach. If you're stumped as to what get your great love, then the Bronx Zoo has the answer. HISSING COCKROACH. No! Not the actual thing, but naming your beloved after one of the thousands Madagascar hissing cockroaches after them. Nothing says romance like a cockroach … can I get a high-five on this one?
4. A massacre. On Valentine's Day 1929, Al Capone set out to murder everyone who was against him in Chicago, including the North Side Gang. While this may have been a stellar gift to himself, the outcry after the massacre resulted in the beginning of the end of Capone's reign. Takeaway? Valentines gift you give to yourself shouldn't just be all about you. Duh.
5. An STD. This one comes from semi-personal experience … no, no, not me! A few years ago a co-worker hooked up with her ex well after the fact. Since they used to have sex, she decided a condom wasn’t necessary. This was December. Although they didn’t speak again after that one incident, she did receive a card on Valentine's Day — messenger delivered, mind you — saying: "Congrats! I gave you herpes!" It was from the ex-boyfriend.
Can you top these creepy gifts? Are you the master at such an art? Do tell.
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