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You may think you're ready ... but are you really?
By Grace Pamer — Written on Jul 12, 2017
For people who have suffered the pain of divorce, finding love again can be tremendously challenging. Breakups are never easy, but finding love after a divorce can seem even harder, sometimes. It isn't just the process of getting back into the dating game that's difficult — the heart and mind can create barriers that make the searching process feel like walking through quicksand. It's like you're getting nowhere fast.
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In the aftermath of divorce, there can be damage left behind where joy, trust, and future dreams once resided. This makes finding love more difficult for the divorced compared to single, unmarried individuals out in the dating world. Having love and then losing it can make a man or woman feel less confident that they will ever find a life partner again.
For those looking to find love again after a divorce, there are tips that can help you succeed, putting yourself on the path to happiness once more by way of a strong, healthy, and brand new relationship:
1. Heal first, love later.
A divorce comes with grieving, just as a death would. Whether you initiated the divorce or didn’t want it whatsoever, there is a healing time required before you are ready to date again.
Trying to jump back into dating and skipping the grief process altogether will not work in the long run. You need to have some quiet time acknowledging and coming to terms with the loss of a marriage. Some may find healing through therapy, reading, or yoga. No matter which method helps them heal, when the mind, body, and spirit feel connected and healthy once more, that is the time to begin searching for a new love — no sooner. You're going to need to get over your own heartbreak before you try and introduce a new relationship.
2. Let go of bitterness.
To find meaningful love after divorce, many men and women re-enter the dating world carrying a tremendous load of emotional baggage with them. They may think they are hiding it from view, but until they truly let go of the anger, hurt and resentment, it is actually there for all to see.
It is natural to feel a bit skeptical about love after losing a marriage, but when people cannot let go of the bitterness they are building a wall around them and keeping potential future love out. Negativity, sarcasm, pessimism, and other signs of being bitter are written all over their faces, slipping out during conversations and sending a negative energy vibe to anyone who approaches them.
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3. Find love in the right places.
When a divorced individual is in a healthy place and feels ready to find love again, there are right ways and wrong ways to go about searching. There will still be old scars, and a bad experience can prove to be a tremendous setback, removing the Band-Aid once again. Singles bars or the pressure of blind dates can prove to be too much for a divorced person re-entering the dating world, in addition to being an unrewarding experience that forces an immediate retreat in the quest for love.
Love will not arrive at your doorstep, so it is time to get out in the world once more. Volunteering or taking up hobbies in a social setting will increase the likelihood of finding a compatible partner with shared interests — a great starting point for a new relationship.
Online dating can be a useful tool if you're hesitant to actively search for love in social settings. The screening measures and compatibility features in place can rebuild confidence that there is a world full of potential lovers out there. The anonymity of being able to communicate from one's own home also relieves pressure and reduces anxiety — feelings often experienced by divorced men and women when looking for a new relationship.
The right way of finding love post-divorce is to let it come gently, at your own pace. To successfully find love again, it entails taking the time to grieve and heal before beginning the search.
Being truly ready to date again is essential to avoiding negative experiences or attracting the wrong people. When you feel ready to try again, it should be at a slow pace, in positive environments that promote a deep connection with the opposite sex.
With these things in mind, finding true love again isn't just possible — it's guaranteed!